Two Days and Two Nights: so sexy that even the title has a jungle
love rhythm going on. John Q. Public announces himself disappointed
by the fun-loving nature of this ep, but I Sunbeam thought it was
The nicest thing was that, in this ep, TPTB pandered to everybody!
If you're a Travis fan, Travis turns up sleeveless and buff; if you
like Jonathan, he wears Jim-West-tight pants and gets fooled by a
blonde; if it's Dr. Phlox you fancy, you get a prolonged . . .
um. . ..bedroom scene featuring a threeway with T'Pol, Cutler, and
the good doc himself ; if, for God's sake, all you care about
Porthos, even Porthos gets a growly fight scene AND then he
intimately sniffs Malcolm! Plus Hoshi gets her linguistic ashes
hauled, and even Rostov has lines!
But all this pales next to the sexually-ambivalent-yet-operatically
intense scenes featuring OMT and Malcolm
See: the basic set-up is that the Enterprise has two days of down-
time and so they're going to spend it on public pleasure planet Risa
(well-known to all of us TNG'ers as Where Jean-Luc Met That Scary
Scary Tramp Vash, but still . . .) Risa's tourist attractions
apparently took some time to assemble, because the Risa of 2151 is
not the Disco-Sex-Factory that Jean-Luc and Riker visited but rather
more like a well-lit Shoney's Restaurant. But, if most of our gang
doesn't have sex, they at least have sex-flavored adventures, so
Sex-flavored adventure A: Archer and the blonde meet at the Risa
Marriot when their dogs fight; they go wading amongst turtles and she
turns out to be a spy. Way to go, Jon!
Sex-flavored adventure B: Porthos alpha's the interplanetary dog
belonging to the blonde.
Sex-flavored adventure C: Hoshi gets her groove thang going on with a
guy she meets at the Breakfast Buffet Bar.
Meanwhile, back on the ship, the vast majority of the crew
(bafflingly) has to stay on board and polish important door handles
and crap, while Dr. Phlox decides to hibernate. But, when Travis
falls off a mountain, Phlox has to wake up immediately; much comic
action ensues. It seems John Q. is divided over whether Billingsley
was funny or overdone; I go with the funny folks. The ep was well-
shot, Phlox was suitably sleepy, and T'Pol and Cutler (one dry as a
bone, the other moist and chewy) made great straight men to the
However, all this extremely amusing action pales in comparison to the
Trip & Malcolm stuff. Did you know Lt. Worf directed this ep?
Klingons have really got it going on! The episode is bookended by
two brilliant one-take Trip & Malcolm scenes. You do know OMT and
his little friend in armory have been planning a Risan sex-a-thon for
several eps now, right? Well, they finally land and head straight
for the bars.
Brilliant one-take scene one: although dressed like dorks and acting
like Jethro, the boys charm the birds right out of the trees and the
camera never turns away. Izzat a man or woman, Trip says, and
Malcolm doesn't know, and it really doesn't seem to matter. They
appraise eight-eyed dates, they ogle waitresses (must be leftover
Ruby-envy), and Trip makes his own gravy of wonderfulness while
Malcolm diffidently looks around.
Brilliant one-take scene two: you know this was coming, didn't you?
Although the boys manage to lure two sultry Risan harlots to their
table, the Puritans at Paramount make sure no good can come of it.
After the girls lure the boys into the basement and ask them for
money and the boys say there must be some mistake and the girls turn
into K-Mart HalloweenMasque monsters, our terrific two wake up tied
together and wearing nothing but their cobalt undies! Again, the
camera never moves away from the splendid spectacle of them figuring
how to get out of this one.
Malcolm: We followed aliens down here.
Trip: Gorgeous aliens, don't forget - they were gorgeous aliens.
Malcolm (stone face of tragedy): They were male!
Trip (best line ever): Not at first!
Connor Trinneer really is the best Trek actor since Patrick Stewart,
plus (although this is heretical) he's younger AND hotter. Every
time CT says one of the do-nothing scripted lines, he gives it a spin
goes right into our collective bloodstream.
I give this episode an ultra-double 106 out of 100 (you call it A+_ ˆ
there's hardly a second that doesn't fire my fantasies.