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A Life Worth Living

Author - Gabi | Genre - Action/Adventure | Genre - Angst | L | Main Story | Rating - PG-13
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A LIFE WORTH LIVING


By Gabi

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Action/Adventure/Angst

Summary: What if both Trip and Sim had survived the transplantation? Takes place during Similitude

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own the characters and I don't make any money with this story.

~~~

Chapter 1


A white flash of pain stabbed through his head when he opened his eyes. Groaning, he pressed them shut again. Where was he? What had happened to him? He tried to remember, but his mind was blank. His whole body felt sore and stiff and his head was throbbing so much that his eyes began to water. Had the Xindi caught him and tortured him for information?

"Easy, Commander, easy," he heard a familiar and reassuring voice beside him. "I'll give you something for the pain."

He felt the cold touch of a hypospray on his neck and heard the hiss of the medication being released into his veins.

"I adjusted the lights, Commander," Phlox explained. "How do you feel?"

Carefully, Trip opened his eyes again, waiting for the searing pain to come, but the hypospray had already started to work and he could even bear the dimmed lights.

"What happened?" he croaked. His voice sounded odd and his mouth was dry and felt like cardboard.

"You were in a coma for nearly two weeks," Phlox told him. "Do you remember what happened?"

Trying to remember, Trip blinked in confusion.

"There was an accident in Engineering," Phlox prompted.

Accident? Slowly, Trip shook his head. But then some images came to his mind. The warpcore. An explosion. He was blown off the machine. A long fall down. And then – nothing.

Trip heard the doors to sickbay swoosh open and a moment later the curtains around his bed were shoved aside and the captain came in with long strides. "How is he, doc?" he asked.

Phlox was busy running a scanner over Trip. "He's recovering nicely."

Trip looked at Archer and tried to smile. The faint smile vanished, though, when he saw the rigid expression on the captain's face. He didn't seem to be very happy about Trip's recovery. Trip cleared his throat and tried to talk, but all that came out was another groan.

The captain's features softened at the sound. "I'm glad you're back, Trip," he said softly, placing a gentle hand on Trip's shoulder. A series of emotions played across his face that Trip couldn't interpret.

"Take care of him," Archer told Phlox. "I have to get back to the bridge."

Without another word Archer pushed the curtain back into place and rushed out. Trip looked after him, puzzled.

Exhausted, he closed his eyes, still thinking about Archer's strange behavior. If he had lain in a coma for such a long time, he would have expected his friend to be glad about his recovery. Perhaps Jon had been very busy, but that didn't explain the unease on his face. Unease. That was it. Archer had clearly been feeling uncomfortable around Trip. The engineer sighed. They had had their share of arguments and misunderstandings but so far Archer had always been glad when Trip recuperated from an injury. Trip resolved to talk to the captain as soon as he felt better.

Trip heard a movement beside his bed. He pried his eyes open and shrank back in shock. The man standing in front of him was he himself. Trip Tucker. That couldn't be. Was he hallucinating?

"Who are you?" he croaked suspiciously.

"My name is Sim," the man said. "And I am…" he shrugged and smiled sadly, "I'm your clone."

Trip looked up incredulously. "You're what?"

#####

"So it is this easy?" Trip asked, looking at the man who was sitting beside him. "Just create a livin' bein' when it comes in handy?" He shook his head. "I can't believe it." He frowned and then grimaced. "Hey, it's not that I'm not happy that you're here. You saved my life. Did I even thank you?"

"You're welcome." Sim smiled. During the last hour he had told Trip about the events of the last two weeks. He still had to tell him that he was to reach the end of his lifespan in a few days, but he didn't intend to tell him about Archer having forced him to undergo the operation. This was a very private thing between him and the captain. With a grim smile Sim remembered the look on the captain's face when he had recovered, despite the fact that he shouldn't have survived the surgery. While Sim was sure that the captain was glad that he'd made it, he knew that the other man was uncomfortable with the situation. The captain hadn't been able to look him in the eye since the operation.

It had been a surprise to Sim himself to wake up once again. For a brief time, he'd even been happy. But it was only a short respite. Although Phlox was very busy working on the enzyme that could guarantee Sim a normal lifespan, Sim was afraid that the doctor's efforts would be too late for him.

Sim stood up. "We can talk about it later. You have to rest."

Trip sighed. "How come you recovered so much quicker form the surgery than I did?" he asked.

Sim smiled understandingly. "You were in a coma for nearly two weeks. It'll take some time for you to get over that."

Sim didn't tell Trip that Phlox indeed had insisted that he stay in bed at least a day longer, but a day was nearly a third of the rest of Sim's life. He simply didn't want to waste his time.

#####

Trip looked after Sim, as he left sickbay. He still couldn't believe that there was a man that looked exactly like him. Like a twin. No, Trip corrected himself, Sim wasn't his twin-brother, he was he. A second Trip. He not only had his features, but also, somehow, all of his memories. Sim remembered his parents and his siblings the same way he did, he remembered all the pain he had experienced when Lizzie died, he knew all about Trip's childhood and efforts to become an engineer, he even knew about the most embarrassing moments in his life and about all the stupid things he had done. He might even know about his affection for T'Pol. Trip cringed and grimaced at the thought. But Sim wasn't just a copy. He was an independent human being with his own thoughts and feelings. Trip knew it would be hard to adjust to this new situation in his life, but he was willing to give it a try. He liked Sim. How could you not, he snorted in amusement. But how would the crew feel about having two Trip Tuckers on board? Although the second one had another name, nobody could deny that Sim was just another Trip. It would be a challenge to all of them and suddenly Trip caught himself thinking that he looked forward to working this out. As soon as Phlox would release him from this damned sickbay.

#####

"Easy, Commander, easy." Malcolm grabbed Trip's arm to steady his friend as he began to sway and threatened to fall off the sickbay bed. Trip closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply and evenly, trying to overcome the dizziness that he'd caused in his attempt to sit up. For some moments he tried to fathom whether it was a good thing or not to have two Malcolms at his side. When he looked at his friend again, the two Malcolms merged and after some more blinks Trip could see clearly again.

"What's the matter?" Malcolm asked worriedly.

"Nothin'." Trip rubbed his forehead. "I saw two of you for a second there."

Malcolm smiled lop-sidedly. "I know the feeling," he said.

Trip grimaced. "D'you know where he is?"

"Sim? No idea. In Engineering, maybe."

Trip nodded, sliding off the bed and putting his feet to the ground.

"You're far from fit," Malcolm said, frowning worriedly. "You know that Phlox wanted you to stay in sickbay for at least another day. Perhaps you should follow his advice."

"No way. It's been difficult enough to convince him that I feel good enough to stay in my quarters. By the way, you're the last one to tell me that it'd be better to stay in sickbay."

"But you're still experiencing dizzy spells and I'm sure you've still got a headache."

"So why is it that Phlox released Sim so much earlier than me? He had to undergo surgery as well. Doesn't he have headaches?"

Malcolm shrugged. "Don't forget that you were in a coma for nearly two weeks." He reached out once more to steady Trip's unstable footing.

"Damn," the engineer cursed. "My legs feel like pudding."

"That's why I came here, to give you a hand," Malcolm told him. "I knew you wouldn't listen to Phlox' advice, but I didn't like the idea of you going back to your quarters on your own.

Wouldn't want you to add another injury to your collection."

#####

Heavily, Trip leaned against the wall while the turbolift brought them to B-deck. "Tell me about Sim," he said to Malcolm.

Malcolm shrugged. "There's not much to tell."

Trip looked up. "You worked with him. There must be somethin' you could tell me about him."

"What can I tell you? He's like you. He's a brilliant engineer. The way he pulled us out of this magnetic field was simply ingenious. But to be honest it was mostly T'Pol who worked with him during the last days. When he was growing up it were mostly the captain and Hoshi who took care of him. Besides Phlox, of course. I didn't have much to do with him, actually."

Why? Trip wanted to ask. This man is the clone of your best friend and you didn't have much to do with him? Trip tried to catch Malcolm's eye, but the lieutenant looked away.

Trip postponed his question when the lift stopped. He had to concentrate on staying on his feet and he gladly accepted Malcolm's helping hand.

"You are going to lie down at once," the lieutenant told him in a firm voice.

"Think so," Trip agreed. His body ached all over and his head began to throb once more. "But my own bunk is much better than a bio-bed in sickbay. And don't tell me you don't agree with me."

Malcolm just smiled. "You manage?" he asked when they stood in front of the door to Trip's quarters. "I have to go back to the bridge."

"I'll be fine." Trip reassured him, punching in his code. He smiled at Malcolm when the door swished open and shrank back in surprise.

"What is it, Trip?" Malcolm asked alarmed.

"Nothin'. Everything's okay, Mal." Trip nodded at his friend and entered his quarters. Sim had gotten up from the bed when the door had opened. Trip stood just inside the door, and let it close behind him.

"Sorry," Sim said with an apologetic smile. "I know I have no business bein' here. I didn't know that you were goin' to come back today. I'll leave."

"You don't have to." Trip hesitated a moment. "Guess we should talk."

Suspiciously, Sim looked at Trip and took a seat while Trip sat down on his bunk, leaning his back against the bulkhead.

"You been stayin' here?" Trip asked.

Sim looked down. "Yeah. I'm sorry, I know they're your quarters, but since you didn't need them while you were in sickbay, I thought it wouldn't harm anyone if I slept here."

"Don't you have your own quarters?"

"I used to sleep in sickbay."

"Sickbay?"

"It's not so bad, if you don't have to stay there because of an injury."

"Maybe you're right." Trip looked around. "Where are your things?"

"What things?" Sim asked, seeming somewhat amused.

"If you lived here, there would be some of your belongings around, but I don't see any." Trip blinked when reality dawned on him. "Don't you have personal things?"

"How could I? I was born…" Sim grimaced and swallowed, "…created here on Enterprise." He frowned. That wasn't that long ago. "I haven't had the time or the opportunity to collect anythin' personal."

"And your clothes, then?"

"I only have this uniform, and another one for changing."

"Not even civvies?"

When Sim shook his head, Trip got up. He searched in his wardrobe, and handed Sim some jeans and a t-shirt.

"Here. I guess it's your size."

"You think so?" Sim asked with an amused smile on his face.

Trip watched Sim disappear into the bathroom. He sighed. It still was difficult for him to adjust to the new situation, but it looked like the rest of the crew couldn't deal with Sim at all. How could it be that no one had even thought of giving Sim some civilian clothes? Why didn't Archer give him own quarters? Did he consider Sim a thing? Sure, it wasn't easy to face one's best friend's clone but Sim had a right to be treated as a human being.

Trip tried to conceal his indignation when Sim came back. It was like looking in a mirror. Trip was sure that without their different uniforms no one on Enterprise would be able to distinguish between them.

"You don't have to go," he offered. "We can put up a cot for you until the cap'n gives you your own quarters."

What was it that crossed Sim's face? Doubt? It was only a short flicker, then Sim smiled again. "We'll see. Thanks a lot for your offer. But you should lie down for a while. You look awful."

Trip forced a smile. "Hey, it's bad enough that Malcolm and Jon keep tellin' me this but I don't think it's necessary to be told so by myself."

#####

During the night, Trip learned something about himself. Although he had always denied it when Jon or Malcolm tried to tease him on away missions, it seemed to be true that he had a slight tendency to snore. At least, Trip couldn't find a reason why he should be different from Sim who lay on the cot, sleeping soundly. It was somewhat disturbing not only to look at himself all the time, but also to recognize his own habits in this man. What else would he find out about himself by simply watching Sim?

He couldn't sleep. He had too much to think about. While he had accepted Sim as a friend, it was still difficult to understand where he came from. The idea that Phlox created him from some sort of alien creature. That Jon had ordered Phlox to do so. By now, Trip could understand Jon's unease when he had visited him in sickbay. The captain had ordered Phlox to create a clone of Trip and now he had to deal with the consequences of his decision. Sim had told Trip that Archer had liked him when he was a child; even let him play with his model space shuttle. Sim had admitted that he had broken it, a fact that caused Trip to laugh. "He should have known that we break things," he said, using the plural as if it were a natural thing to do.

Sim had also told him that all the memories were confusing. Sim remembered Trip's childhood on Earth as well as his own on Enterprise. It was sometimes hard to keep them straight. It was as if Sim had two different streams of memory within him, each one excluding the other. He had never been a child on Earth, although he remembered it like Trip did. Perhaps his memories were even more precise, and in his mind, these memories argued with those he had formed here on Enterprise. Trip sensed that life on Enterprise wasn't easy for Sim. He had preferred to stay with Trip in his quarters instead of going to the messhall for dinner. Trip suspected that the crew acted somewhat awkwardly around Sim and he could understand this as well. He had this awkward feeling every time he looked at this man that was himself. It was a very difficult situation, for all of them.

TBC

Please let me know what you think. Reviews are very welcome.


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