A Life Worth Living- Chapter 12

A LIFE WORTH LIVING

By Gabi

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Action/Adventure/Angst

Summary: What if both Trip and Sim had survived the transplantation? Takes place during Similitude

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own the characters and I don't make any money with this story.

~~~

Chapter 12

Not bothering to open his eyes, Trip let out a deep sigh. Had he fallen asleep? He could hear voices talking, but the stretcher was not moving, so he supposed that Sim and Malcolm were taking a rest.

Just then Trip noticed that his environment had changed. It wasn't as humid and sticky as before and the smell that hung in the air had something familiar. He also realized that he wasn't lying on the hard and uncomfortable bulkhead anymore, but on a material that was much softer. Trip allowed himself a lopsided smile. From what he could gather, he had ended up in sickbay once again. He didn't know how he had come to be here, but all that was important was that they had made it. He concentrated on the voices beside him and recognized Jon. The other one had to be Malcolm, of course. Trip's grin broadened. Phlox must be very happy to have his two most annoying patients together in sickbay.

Eventually, Trip wearily opened his eyes, but only to realize that a curtain was drawn around the bed next to his.

"I appreciate very much what you did," he heard the captain say. "You're really a valuable member of this crew."

Trip raised his eyebrows. No need to tell Malcolm that, Cap'n, he thought. Malcolm has always been a valuable crewmember.

"Thanks Cap'n." Trip's jaw dropped. That wasn't Malcolm's voice. Jon was talking to Sim. Trip was bemused. Why would Sim be staying in sickbay?

"I want to apologize for the way I treated you before," Archer continued. "It wasn't fair."

"I understand, Cap'n," Sim answered. "I've always understood. You had no choice. And the events are provin' you right. If you had chosen me instead of Trip you wouldn't have any engineer at all right now."

Trip frowned. What was Sim talking about?

"It was the hardest choice I've ever had to make."

"Y'know, Cap'n, I don't feel like Trip's clone, I feel like his brother. He's family to me. And you do things like this for your family. Savin' Trip's life was the best thing I ever did."

"So you're not angry with me anymore?"

"No, Cap'n."

"You can call me Jon."

There was a little pause. "Thanks, Jon."

Trip could hear the smile in Sim's voice and he smiled as well. There were steps approaching from the other side of the room and then Phlox spoke up. "He has to rest, Captain. I must ask you to leave now." The corner of Trip's mouth twitched sympathetically when he heard the familiar hiss of a hypospray, and realized that Phlox had sent Sim into the land of nod.

Phlox appeared in his range of vision, smiling broadly. "Good evening, Commander. How do you feel?"

"What happened?" Trip asked. "Why is Sim stayin' here? And where is Malcolm? He was injured as well."

Phlox' smile vanished. "There's something I have to tell you, Commander." He inhaled deeply when Archer stepped up beside him.

"I'll tell him, doc."

Phlox inclined his head. "Very well, Captain."

Archer took a chair, still looking after Phlox.

"What's the matter, Jon?" Trip insisted.

The captain sighed and forced a smile. "I'm glad that you're awake."

"How long have I been out?"

"For almost two days."

Trip startled. "Two days?" he exclaimed incredulously. "I wasn't in a coma again, was I?"

"No, Phlox sedated you. He thought you needed the rest after he operated on your legs."

Anxiously, Trip glanced at his legs, which were hidden under the sheets. Judging from Phlox' words and Archer's serious face, he knew there was something wrong and the only thing he could think of was that something had gone wrong with his legs. "Will I…" Trip licked his lips. "I mean, are they…"

Jon laid a reassuring hand on Trip's shoulder. "They're healing nicely. Phlox has set the bones and he repaired the open fracture in your left leg. By the way, that was quite a sight." Jon shuddered. "But it's like I said, your legs are healing well. Phlox said you can get up in a few days."

Trip exhaled. "That's good to hear. I wasn't so sure about my left leg. I mean, you don't have any use for a limpin' engineer, do you?" For a moment Trip closed his eyes in plain relief. He had never told Sim or Malcolm, but he had been quite worried about his legs. Looking at Jon, he grimaced. "No matter what I'm doin', I seem to end up in sickbay every time. I'm glad I've missed two days already."

"In any case you missed a few treatments with the osmotic eel," Jon smiled. "Malcolm wasn't so lucky."

"Ouch!" Trip winced in sympathy. "How is Malcolm? I thought he would be here as well."

"Phlox had no choice but to release him, or our fine lieutenant would have driven him crazy. But Malcolm has strict orders to rest in his quarters until tomorrow. He has to wear his arm in a sling for another day or two but then his shoulder will be as good as new. Thanks to the osmotic eel," Archer added.

Trip nodded, thoughtfully. He remembered that there had been something Jon was going to tell him. He felt good, Malcolm was going to be okay, so there wasn't much left. "What's the matter with Sim?" he asked bluntly.

Jon sighed. He knew he couldn't postpone the issue any longer. "Did you know that Sim has a weak heart?"

Trip raised his eyebrows. "Why would he have a weak heart? I thought he was a perfect copy of me."

"Actually, he was. But the treatment with the enzyme has affected his heart and his lungs."

"His lungs?" Trip shook his head. "He gave Malcolm mouth to mouth for at least ten minutes. How could he have done that with weak lungs? That can't be."

"Phlox was hoping to find a cure in time. But Sim overexerted himself. Dragging you through the forest, rescuing Malcolm and giving you a blood transfusion when he was already weak was simply too much."

"He gave me a transfusion?"

"Yes. You'd lost too much blood and were already unconscious. Malcolm told me it was the only way to save you."

"But now Sim has to suffer the consequences."

"Malcolm didn't know about his weakened condition, either. He didn't know until Sim suffered a heart attack."

Trip's eyes grew wide with shock. "He had a heart attack?"

Jon bit his lip, nodding silently.

Trip ran his hand over his face. "How bad is it?" When Archer didn't answer, Trip felt his heart begin to race. "Jon!"

"Phlox said he has about 24 hours left. At the most."

Very slowly, Trip looked up, disbelief in his eyes. "He's dyin'?"

"I'm so sorry, Trip."

"No." Trip shook his head. "I don't believe that. Phlox can come up with a treatment. There are measures to treat a simple heart attack with. Phlox has studied the physiology of several species. I'm sure he'll find a cure."

"Trip!" Jon took Trip's shoulders, shaking him gently. "I know it's hard, but there's nothing Phlox can do. Maybe he would've been able to prolong Sim's life if he had suffered the attack here on Enterprise, but as it is, too much time had passed until Phlox could treat him. And the strain Sim put on his body has caused too much damage to his organs."

"He saved our lives," Trip whispered. "Mine and Malcolm's."

"I know, Trip, I know."

"It's not fair, Jon. Why does Sim always have to pay such a high price when he tries to help me?"

"It's never been fair, Trip. It wasn't fair to create a human being only to harvest his tissue and it wasn't fair to force him to die to do so."

"Sim forgave you for that."

"But that doesn't make me feel any better about it."

Trip sighed. "I'm glad you talked to him. I know it means a lot to him hearin' from you that you consider him a valuable member of this crew."

"And he is."

Trip nodded, turning his head. "Would you please open the curtain?"

Jon stood up and drew the curtain aside. Trip swallowed when he saw Sim lying on the bio bed, hooked up to an IV tube. A tube was inserted into his nose to give him additional oxygen. "He looks so peaceful. Does he know…?"

"Yes, he does. He asked Phlox to tell him the truth."

Trip's eyes filled with tears. "How will he…? I mean, how…?" He couldn’t bring himself to say the word aloud. "Will he suffer another heart attack?"

"Phlox doesn't think so. His heart will simply slow down until it stops beating."

Trip opened his mouth and closed it again, covering it with his hand. He shook his head and ran his hand over his eyes. "Why?" he finally managed to say. "Tell me why he has to die, Jon. He was so glad to live."

"I don't know, Trip. Things just happen."

"I don't like those things," Trip spat and when he looked at him, Jon knew that Trip was not only thinking of Sim, but also of his sister and seven million people on Earth who had lost their lives in the Xindi attack.

#####

The next morning, when Jon entered sickbay with a tray of food, he could hear Trip arguing with Phlox.

"This lyin' around is drivin' me nuts, doc. My legs feel fine, but my back is hurtin'. I just want to sit up a little."

"Your legs only feel fine because I gave you an analgesic," Phlox answered stoically. "And you're allowed to sit up in your bed, Commander."

"I'd prefer a chair."

Phlox let out a deep sigh. "Commander, do you know what condition your legs were in? You're lucky you didn't lose them. Maybe I'll allow you to get up the day after tomorrow."

"I can't stay in bed for another two days, doc."

"You can and you will, Commander. If not, I wouldn't hesitate to sedate you. The discussion is over." And with that Phlox left, leaving a very puzzled Trip behind.

"Morning, Trip."

"Hey, Cap'n." Trip was still staring after Phlox.

"What about breakfast?"

Trip nodded and allowed the captain to help him sit up in bed.

"I've never seen Phlox like this," he pondered. "What's the matter with him?"

Jon sat down on a chair, scratching his nose. "I guess it's because of Sim. Phlox considers him a son."

With his mouth full of scrambled eggs, Trip wasn't able to speak, but he threw Archer a questioning glance.

Archer smiled. "I think you're forgetting that Sim was born only three weeks ago here on Enterprise. It was Phlox who raised him. Sim is like a son to him. This is the second time that he's about to lose him. I think it's pretty hard for our doc."

"Not only for him." Trip swallowed, glancing at the next bio bed where Sim was still fast asleep. "Could you talk to Phlox, Cap'n?" he asked. "I just wanna sit beside Sim when he wakes up."

"You didn't tell Phlox that."

Trip only shrugged.

Archer nodded. "Okay, I'll see what I can do."

#####

"Hey Trip. You're awake. I was thinkin' that Phlox would never let you wake up again."

Trip smiled at Sim's attempt to tease him. "How're you feelin'?"

"Weak," Sim admitted. "Nice wheelchair."

Trip groaned and rolled his eyes. Eventually Phlox had relented, and had settled him in a wheelchair with the footrest raised so his splinted legs were comfortably supported. Trip had a feeling that it was only because of Sim that Phlox had allowed him to stay up and he had threatened to put him back to bed at once if he tried to move his legs on his own.

Sim looked at Trip for another minute, then he said, "D'you want to sit here without sayin' anythin'?"

Trip ran a hand over his mouth, searching for words.

"It's not so bad, y'know," Sim said.

Trip flinched. "Not bad?" he exclaimed. "You were the only one we thought to be in perfect health down there and now I learned that you're…" Trip trailed off.

"That I'm dyin'," Sim finished the sentence.

Trip looked away.

"Don't worry, Trip. It's okay."

"How can you say that?"

"Look, I was supposed to die a week ago. I've long ago come to terms with the fact that I was meant to die. But I got a great gift. I got to know you. And it was wonderful to go on this away mission with you and Malcolm."

Trip raised his eyebrows. "Wonderful?"

"Yeah. Pilotin' a shuttle, strollin' through the forest, handlin' dangerous situations, that was so much more than only rememberin' it from your experiences. It gave me a real life and I'm grateful for that."

"It's so unfair, Sim. You should have told us about your heart."

"What sense would it have made to tell you about it? You would've tried to go easy on me whenever you could."

"Course. You'd be in better shape now if we had."

"And then what? What did you expect me to do? Waitin' for help from Enterprise wasn't an option. D'you think I should have left you or should only have shrugged and let Malcolm drown? I have your character, Trip, so tell me what you would have done in my place."

Trip groaned out loud. "That's not fair, Sim."

"Actually, it wouldn't have mattered whether I told you about my condition or not. It was my decision to do the things I did. We didn't have another choice anyway. Would you've tried to keep me from givin' Malcolm mouth-to-mouth if you had known?"

Trip sighed deeply. "I don't know."

"It was the only possibility to save him. And I was up to doin' it. I didn't feel so weak at the time."

"But you did when you gave me your blood."

"I'm glad Malcolm didn't know about my heart condition. It would've been an impossible choice for him to make. The same choice Jon had to make earlier. Choosin' between you and me."

"Malcolm should have kept you from givin' me all your blood."

"It wasn't all my blood, Trip."

"But you couldn't afford it."

"You would've died without it," Sim said softly.

"You don't know that," Trip answered back in an angry tone. He ran his hand over his eyes. "Sorry, Sim, I didn't mean to snap at you. I just can't accept the fact that you're goin' to die because you saved my life."

"I was created to save your life, Trip. It seems to be my fate."

"You're sayin' we're back to square one? That the only reason you exist is to save me and that you have to die in order to do so? Things have changed, Sim. I don't like you sayin' that you were 'created'. You're not merely a creature. Not a part of Phlox' menagerie."

"Well, there was a time when I was."

Trip flinched, looking at Sim, bemused.

"C'mon Trip, you know what I mean. I used to be a Lyssarian larva."

Trip shook his head. "I'll never see you like that."

"But Starfleet would. People on Earth would. Perhaps lettin' me die is the only way to solve this mess, Trip. I'm a clone. You know what people on Earth think about clonin'. I guess Starfleet doesn't even know that I'm still alive. What would happen to me if they found out? They wouldn't let me serve on a starship or the engineerin' corps. And servin' on Enterprise for the time bein' wouldn't work, either. What would I do? Work as your subordinate?"

Trip shook his head and smiled. "No, as my coordinate."

"It wouldn't work, Trip. The crew wouldn't accept two chief engineers. And I'm not a commander, I don't have any rank at all." Sim grinned lopsidedly. "Although I remember how nervous you were when you were promoted."

"It could work," Trip insisted stubbornly.

"How long until the crewmembers complain to the cap'n that I have no right to give orders? Look at Carruthers. He'd be the first one."

"We'll deal with Carruthers."

"You know it wouldn't work."

"But that's not a reason for you to die." Trip bit his lip. Despite his arguments he could see Sim's point. He would never be accepted on Earth. Maybe there would even be a few scientists who would like to get their hands on him and make him their lab rat. And even if they didn't, Sim would always be an outcast on Earth, considered an abomination, like Carruthers had said.

Sim watched him, squeezing his hand. "Our mission was quite successful, y'know."

Trip snapped out of his thoughts. "Yeah, I know, the whole away team endin' up in sickbay. What does that tell us about the officer in charge?"

Sim laughed. His laughter sounded so weak and tired that Trip was deeply shocked.

"The cap'n told me about the padd."

"The padd!" Trip had completely forgotten about the padd he had found in the Xindi vessel. "Did it contain any useful data?"

"Actually, it did. Hoshi and T'Pol had to work hard in order to decode it, but they gained a lot of useful data about the Xindi and most of all, about the weapon."

"So it was really a military vessel, despite its small size?"

"Yep. It was on its way to a meetin' with several members of the Xindi Command. The data mentioned some sort of test and also the kemocite they had bought from Gralik. Hoshi is confident that with this data we'll be able to relocate the signature of the probe Gralik had prepared. At least now we know in which area we have to search. If we can track down the kemocite, we'll come across the weapon sooner or later."

"That's good news." It was strangely comforting to Trip to know that their away-mission had at least had a positive outcome on their mission to prevent the Xindi from attacking Earth a second time.

Phlox approached with a tray of food. "I'll allow you to have your lunch here, Commander," he said. "But then I want you to rest for a while."

Trip tried to protest, but he trailed off when Phlox held up a hand. He knew better than to stretch Phlox' patience right now.

While Phlox was checking on Sim, Trip picked at his food. There was even a slice of pecan pie, but Trip couldn't muster any of his usual enthusiasm for his favorite food.

"You have to eat, Trip," Sim said gently.

"What about you?"

"I'm not hungry."

Trip speared a piece of pecan pie and held the fork in front of Sim's mouth. Their eyes met and when Sim opened his mouth they knew that they were both thinking the same thing. Perhaps this was the last thing Sim would ever eat.

They shared the piece of pie, but Trip pushed the sandwich aside. He felt sick and when Phlox came to put him in bed, he decided against starting the usual arguement and complied.

When the ordeal of settling him in bed was done, he sighed in relief. But when he glanced at Sim, he bit his lip. "I don't think I can go to sleep," he told the doctor in a whisper.

Phlox laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I'll wake you up if his condition deteriorates. I promise," he said understandingly.

Trip nodded, trying to get past the lump in his throat.

Phlox turned to Sim. "You should get some rest as well," he advised.

Sim shook his head. "I don't want to spend the last hours of my life sleepin'. Please don't make me, Phlox."

The lump turned into a burning sensation in his eyes and Trip wiped a hand across his face. He wasn't going to cry when Sim was prepared to meet his fate so peacefully.

He flinched when Phlox pressed a hypospray against his neck. "It's only a very mild sedative," the doctor explained. "It will help you to relax."

TBC

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One person has made comments

Noooooooooooooooo!!!!
but, but Sim! it's so sad. You get the emotions just rights, it's really touching.
I love chapter 3, just had to laugh through that one.
So, r u gonna let Sim live? ok, so all the points u made about him dying kinda make sence but....let him live please!
Pls up-date soon, should I bring hankies?