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A Life Worth Living- Chapter 13

Author - Gabi
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A LIFE WORTH LIVING


By Gabi

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Action/Adventure/Angst

Summary: What if both Trip and Sim had survived the transplantation? Takes place during Similitude

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own the characters and I don't make any money with this story.

~~~

Chapter 13

"Commander? Commander, wake up!"

Sleepily, Trip opened his eyes. Why would Phlox try to wake him? Normally, Phlox would be glad he was sleeping and not getting on the doctor's nerves. Suddenly truth hit him like a ton of bricks and he jumped, feeling a sharp sting of pain going through his legs.

"Easy, Commander, easy." Phlox slipped a supporting hand under his back and helped him sit up.

"Is it time?" Trip asked anxiously.

"His heart-beat has slowed considerably," Phlox told him with a sad expression. "I think he would appreciate you being at his side."

Trip allowed the doctor to help him into the wheelchair and to wheel him over to Sim's bedside. When Phlox adjusted the footrests, Sim opened his eyes.

"Hey Trip," he whispered in a weak voice. "Sleep well?"

Trip nodded. He couldn't speak. Seeing Sim like that hardened the lump in his throat.

"I would like to see Malcolm," Sim said in Phlox' direction. "You think that's possible?"

Trip was sure that the doctor would bend all his medical orders just to fulfill Sim's wishes.

Phlox went over to the comm. and only a few minutes later Malcolm entered sickbay, his left arm in a sling and a sad and knowing smile on his face.

"How are you, Sim?"

Weakly, Sim turned his head and smiled as well. "Thanks for comin' by, Malcolm."

"I wanted to drop by yesterday evening, but Phlox wouldn't let me. He said my shoulder needs rest."

"I won't argue with him on that one, Malcolm. Everybody says that I overexerted myself, but the same goes for you. The pain must've been awful."

"It wasn't so bad, really. It wasn't the first time that some alien piece of metal got stuck in my body."

"Yeah, I know. I guess Phlox' osmotic eel must be a close friend of yours by now."

Malcolm grimaced which made Sim chuckle. The chuckle turned into a violent cough, though, which reminded the officers why they were there.

Malcolm swallowed. "I'm so sorry, Sim."

"You don't have to be. It's okay."

"No, it's not okay. It's unfair. And it's not least because of me that you have to go through this."

"Don't blame yourself, Malcolm. I was glad that I could help you. I mean it's not that I wouldn't like to live on. But I was actually never supposed to wake up again after the surgery. I was given a second life and I enjoyed it very much."

"It was only a week." Trip stared down at the floor.

"A week which I didn't expect to have. I've gone through this before, Trip. It doesn't scare me."

"But it scares me. I don't want to lose you."

"Neither do I," Malcolm said softly.

"I know and I appreciate your concern. Now don't give me that look, it's kinda pullin' me down to have you lookin' at me like that. What I want to see from you is a smile."

Trip looked at Malcolm and they both tried to get a grip on themselves.

Sim reached for Malcolm's hand. "Havin' gained your friendship means a lot to me, Malcolm. I wanted to thank you."

"I consider you the same good friend Trip is for me," Malcolm said. He grinned lopsidedly. "And that's not because you saved my life, but because you're a great friend too."

Sim grinned and some of the old brightness came back into his eyes.

Malcolm closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed. "Some people asked me whether you would like them to come by." He paused. "To say good-bye," he managed eventually.

"Yeah, I would like that." Sim laid his hand on Malcolm's arm. "Thanks for bein' not only Trip's friend, but mine too, Malcolm."

Malcolm nodded. He wanted to say good-bye to Sim, but he simply couldn't. He squeezed Sim's hand, and forced a smile.

#####

Hess, Rostov and Kelly came over from Engineering to see Sim. Trip was deeply affected to see how much they liked his friend and how sad they were at the news. After they had left, Hoshi showed up and Sim smiled delightedly. "Ah, Mommy Hoshi."

Although her eyes were swimming in tears, Hoshi began to laugh. "Mommy Hoshi?"

"Yeah. Don't you know that I picked you as my substitute mom when I was a child?"

Hoshi sat down on the bio bed and took Sim's hand. "You were a wonderful child, Sim."

Sim's eyes sparkled. "Only because I couldn't do all the things Trip did on Earth. A starship has somewhat limited options when it comes to playin' tricks."

"He wants to say that Charles Tucker was a rather naughty kid," Trip chimed in.

Hoshi sighed. "It must be difficult to remember two different lives."

Sim grinned. "I even remember two different deaths." When he saw the shocked expression on Hoshi's face, the grin vanished. "C'mon Hoshi, it's not that I had much of a chance. You knew from the beginnin' that I was goin' to die within two weeks. I lived a week longer than my normal lifespan would've been."

Hoshi wiped her nose. "Yes, I know, but I was hoping… we all were hoping that Phlox would find a way to…" Hoshi's voice faltered.

"You still have Trip, and I'm grateful for that."

Hoshi smiled through her tears. "We all are. And it's only thanks to you he's still alive."

Hoshi got up and placed a gentle kiss on Sim's lips. "Good-bye, Sim. I'll never forget you."

#####

Trip watched Hoshi leave and felt deep regret. Sim knew all about him, but he, Trip, had failed to learn all about Sim. Why had Sim adopted Hoshi as his substitute mother? Trip realized that he had never asked Sim about his own experiences while he grew up on Enterprise. He only knew a few tiny little bits about Sims's life before he had met him, and he felt guilty about his lack of interest. He was willing to bet that Sim could tell him some interesting stories, but now it was too late to talk with him about his childhood.

"I didn't think my death would affect people so much," Sim whispered. His breathing had become more labored during the last fifteen minutes.

"You heard the cap'n." Trip said. "He told you you are a valuable member of the crew. Of course the we're affected when one of us is dyin'." Trip swallowed. To say out loud that Sim was dying caused him almost physical pain.

"Will you do me a favor, Trip?"

"Whatever you want."

"Would you please tell our parents about me?"

"Of course I will. You won't be forgotten, Sim. Never."

"That's good to know. Don't mourn too much for me, Trip. I'm not afraid of dyin'. Before the surgery I told the cap'n that I couldn't imagine not bein' here anymore tomorrow. But that has changed. I know I'll be here tomorrow. In you."

Trip couldn't answer. Sim had to stop a few times to catch his breath before he could continue. His face got paler by the minute. Trip tried to fight back his tears, but all his attempts were to no avail and he felt a single drop trickle down his cheek.

His hand still in Trip's hand, Sim shut his eyes and sighed. When he heard footsteps approaching, he prized them open again.

"How do you feel?" Phlox asked, pressing a hypospray against Sim's neck and laying a comforting hand on Sim's shoulder.

"Not too bad." Sim smiled at the doctor. "Thanks a lot, Phlox. For all you did for me."

"You're welcome, Sim." Phlox' features had lost their usual cheerfulness, his eyes full of sorrow. "I'm so sorry that I couldn't do more."

"You gave me a life, doc. And that was more than I ever could have wished for."

Phlox looked at his scanner and his expression grew even sadder. Trip knew what that meant and his heart felt like a giant fist were squeezing it.

Phlox turned around when he heard a movement behind him.

"I apologize," T'Pol said. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"You're not." Phlox patted Sim's shoulder and stepped aside.

Trip regarded T'Pol's grave features. By now he knew her well enough to see past her emotionless façade and he saw that she was affected by Sim's fate as well.

"Hey, T'Pol," Sim said softly. "It's nice to see you."

T'Pol only nodded.

"It's the second time you've come to say good-bye to me."

"It is the logical thing to do."

Sim smiled. "Yeah, it is. Thanks." And with a last glance at T'Pol and the doctor, his eyes drooped shut.

#####

Trip felt a hand on his shoulder. "You should go to bed, Trip," he heard the captain's voice. "Sitting up like this won't do your legs any good."

"Doesn't matter," Trip said flatly. "Right now I don't give a damn about my legs."

Archer glanced at Sim. "How is he?"

"He's been sleepin' for half an hour now. Phlox gave him somethin' to relax. His heart is still beatin', but I don't even know if he's goin' to wake up again."

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

Trip shook his head. "It's okay. I'm fine."

"No, you're not. I can see that."

"What do you expect, Jon? Sim's like a brother to me. I felt even closer to him than to my real brother."

"That's understandable. You're cut from the same cloth."

Trip laughed under his tears. "Definitely, yes." He looked up. "I'll be fine. I'll manage."

Archer squeezed his shoulder. "Just call me if you need me."

Jon hadn't left sickbay yet when Sim opened his eyes.

"Trip?" It was only a whisper.

"Yeah, I'm here." Trip gave Sim's hand a reassuring squeeze. He swallowed to get past the lump in his throat.

Sim's breathing got slower. "Thanks for bein' there for me," he whispered. "It's been a great time with you."

"Same here," Trip managed.

"Don't be sad, Trip," Sim said, his voice barely audible. "I had a good life. And, y'know, I'm livin' on in you. As long as you live I'll never die. Be careful, Trip. Take care of yourself. And don't look at me like that, you know what you promised me."

With trembling lips, Trip forced a smile.

"That's much better." Sim smiled as well and Trip could see all the love and affection in his eyes.

"I'll never forget you, Sim," he said softly. "Thanks for all that you've done for me."

Sim looked into Trip's eyes, still smiling, but a lonely tear trickled down his cheek. Then Trip felt a last squeeze, the smile slowly vanished and the hand in his hand got limp.

"No!" he yelled, his voice full of pain. He couldn't hold the tears at bay anymore. Starting to sob, he pressed Sim's hand against his cheek, before he laid it beside Sim's body very carefully. With a gentle gesture he wiped away the wet trace that the tear had left on Sim's face.

"Trip." Jon kneeled down beside the wheelchair, pulling his friend into a firm hug.

Trip sobbed into the captain's uniform until he realized what he was doing. "Just give me a minute," he sniffed, trying to get a grip on himself.

"It's okay, Trip." Jon patted his back. "It's okay. You have every right to cry."

#####

Half an hour later Trip still sat beside Sim's bed, his mind blank and his heart aching. It was the second time within a few weeks that he'd lost a member of his family. What made it so difficult was the fact that no one considered Sim to be his family and his family back home didn't even know about his existence. He bit his already sore lips. He hadn't dealt with Lizzie's death yet and now, within a short period of time, he had once again lost someone he had cared for. His grief was choking him, but he didn't cry again. It was a comforting thought that he had been able to be there, had been able to say good-bye and to hold Sim's hand during his last minutes. It made things easier for Trip that he had been there. The fact that he had been lightyears away when Lizzie had died had made her death unreal. He still couldn't accept that she was gone, and kept shoving the thought to the very back of his mind, so he wouldn't have to deal with it.

He heard steps behind him, but didn't bother to turn around.

"Trip?" he heard the captain's voice. "Trip, you have to get some rest. Let me help you back to bed."

Trip only shook his head. "Please don't. I just wanna sit here for a while."

Jon crouched down beside Trip, studying him with worried eyes.

Trip inhaled deeply and let out a shaky breath. "I can't believe it, Jon," he whispered. "I was so confident that the enzyme would work."

"We all were hoping that it would."

"You too?" Trip allowed himself the slightest of smiles.

"I had to make a very hard decision, but that doesn't mean I didn't like him. Sim wasn't only a copy of you, he was an individual."

"Yeah, Malcolm said the same thing. And he was." Trip looked down at Sim's still body. "I heard what you said to Sim yesterday. I think he was proud that you considered him a friend eventually."

Jon squeezed Trip's shoulder. "It's hard out here in the Expanse and we have to make some hard decisions. Creating Sim and sacrificing his life was one of them. And I'm really glad that he forgave me."

Trip nodded, thinking. "He was glad to live, Jon. He enjoyed every single moment of his life as a human being. You and Phlox gave him this life and he was grateful for that." Trip swallowed and looked up to face his friend. "I'm still alive because of your decision to let Phlox create Sim. I think I never thanked you for that one."

"I never expected your gratitude, Trip. I knew you would have qualms about what we did. And that's okay. But I'm glad you could eventually understand my decision." Jon inhaled deeply, changing the subject. "I thought we could hold the memorial the day after tomorrow. That way your legs have two more days to heal. I'm sure Phlox will allow you to attend."

"Thanks, Jon. Can I ask you a favor?"

"Of course."

"Please change the duty roster so that Ensign Carruthers will be on duty during the ceremony. I think he's not exactly keen on attendin', and I just don't want him there."

Jon raised his eyebrows, but he didn't press the matter. "I'll do it," he promised.

Trip nodded, looking over Sim. "We should get him dressed."

"I guess Phlox will take care of it."

"I want to do it, Jon. Maybe Malcolm and Hoshi can help me."

"Okay."

"Cap'n?"

"What is it?"

"This grey uniform. I know that Sim's not a member of Starfleet, but I think he has earned… I want to say, he…"

"Give him one of your uniforms, Trip. That's okay. You're right, he has earned it."

Looking down at Sim's peaceful face, Trip forced a smile. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" he whispered and laid a gentle hand on the silent heart of his similitude.

TBC


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Two folks have made comments

Yes, Olivia, you need hankies. Gabi has written a heartbreaker so far! Trip and Malcolm couldn't have survived the assignment without Sim. I'm so sad. :^(

Gabi, I have one criticism with this chapter of the story. T'Pol meant a great deal to Sim, and Sim meant a great deal to T'Pol. You skimmed past that poignant relationship without allowing the two of them to say goodbye to each other, while you did an excellent job with the others. The T'Pol/Sim relationship, before you wrote this story, was as powerful as the story between Sim and Archer, and revealed the intense feelings both T'Pol and Archer had for Trip as well as for Sim.

Myst 123, u were right. the box is empty.
a very emotional ending. you can get emotions across very well. I've read ur other stuff and the same goes for them.
Hope the crew treat Sim's memory with more respect.