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A Life Worth Living - Chapter 4

Author - Gabi
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A LIFE WORTH LIVING


By Gabi

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Action/Adventure/Angst

Summary: What if both Trip and Sim had survived the transplantation? Takes place during Similitude

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own the characters and I don't make any money with this story.

~~~

Chapter 4


Trip was working on the antimatter array with Hess and some members of his crew when the comm. beeped. "Archer to Tucker."

Trip was about to answer the call like usual when Hess called him back. "Sim, could you have a look over here?"

Trip started. It would have looked odd to his crew if he had answered the comm. while still pretending that he was Sim. He shot Hess a grateful glance as he went over to her. He could only hope that Sim still acted as Commander Tucker and would answer Jon's call. Otherwise he would have a hard time explaining to the captain why he hadn't reacted.

He let out an inaudible sigh when Sim showed up. "I've been called to the bridge for a briefin' and I would like Sim to accompany me," he told Hess.

"Of course," she said, seemingly unaffected, but Trip could see her biting on her lip so as not to let her amusement show.

"I was afraid that you wouldn't answer the comm.," he let Sim know as the door to Engineering slid shut behind them.

"And I was afraid that you would answer it," Sim admitted, laughing.

When the turbolift made its way to the bridge, Sim suddenly hit the emergency stop and began to undress. When Trip raised his eyebrows, he shrugged. "It's one thing playing you in Engineerin', it's another when the cap'n wants to talk to you."

"Think you're right," Trip nodded and pulled down the zipper of the grey overall. He had to admit that he felt more comfortable in the blue Starfleet uniform, wearing it gave him some confidence. "How's Carruthers?" he asked, not really interested.

"He's okay. Phlox sent him back to work. Didn't he show up in Engineerin'?"

"Didn't see him. Can't say I missed him. What about Phlox? Did he recognize you?"

"Course he did. He literally knows me inside out. Didn't take him long to notice that I'm not you."

"Hess noticed as well as Malcolm. I think we're not so identical after all."

"I'm sure people might see the differences between us if they really cared." Sim set the turbolift in motion.

"Did the cap'n say what he wants?"

"No."

"We went into orbit around a small planet about twenty minutes ago," Trip mused. "Perhaps that's the reason."

The turbolift stopped and Trip got out but Sim hesitated. "I'm not sure if I'm expected to join you."

"I want you to join us," Trip said. "I invite you." With Sim in tow he made his way to the ready room where the other senior officers were already waiting.

"Hope you don't mind, sir, that I brought Sim with me," Trip addressed the captain.

Archer looked at Sim thoughtfully, then nodded. "It's okay, Trip. Sim is welcome here."

"Thank you, Captain," Sim said formally, his stiff words causing Trip to smile.

"I'm glad that you wear different uniforms," Hoshi said with a lopsided grin. "It wouldn't be easy to distinguish between you otherwise."

"You're absolutely right, Hoshi," Malcolm confirmed, raising a questioning eyebrow at Trip and Sim as he tried to fathom whether they had swapped their uniforms once again, and who was who. Trip and Sim both smiled at him innocently and Malcolm groaned in mock despair. There was no sign whether the captain had noticed their silent exchange; he offered Sim the place next to Trip and sat down to start the briefing. Trip was glad to see that Archer was at least trying to look into Sim's eyes, although he still had difficulty doing so.

Archer looked around. "As you all know, we entered orbit around an M-class world half an hour ago. Usually it would not be interesting to us, but T'Pol detected a small craft that crashed on the surface. It's Xindi."

"Xindi?" Trip looked up. "Any lifesigns?"

"I didn't detect any," T'Pol answered.

"So what use can this craft be to us?" Trip wanted to know.

Acher pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know, Trip. But we're running out of options. We lost the isotopic signature of the kemocite Gralik had marked. We don't know where to search for it. We still don't know the location of the Xindi who are building the weapon. What if this vessel is military?"

T’Pol raised one eyebrow. "That is doubtful."

"But it’s possible." Archer said. "If it is, its database may be able to tell us something, maybe even which direction we should go looking for them. We can’t afford not to check."

"You say there aren't any lifesigns," Sim pondered. "So either the crew is dead or they were picked up by another vessel. In the latter case, don't you think the Xindi would have destroyed their database if it carried critical information?"

"We don't even know whether it's a military vessel. But even if it isn’t, we may be able to learn something more about the Xindi. Every bit of information could be important."

"So you want to send a landing party down there?" Malcolm asked.

"It's not so easy." Archer looked up. "T'Pol?"

"The planet is covered with a thick layer of different gases which causes atmospheric interferences," T'Pol began to explain. "It's impossible to fly through this layer, all electronic functions would shut down within an instant, causing every vessel to crash. I assume that is what happened to the Xindi craft. But from time to time a window appears in the layer that enables scanning and would make it possible to approach the planet with a shuttlepod."

"So there is no possibility to transport down?" Malcolm asked.

"It is not advisable. I don't think the transporter beams can be adjusted properly."

"I prefer a shuttle anyway," Trip muttered.

Archer looked at him. "You, Trip? I don't think Phlox has given you a clear bill of health."

Trip grimaced. "I'm sure he will, Cap'n, as soon as I find the time to go to sickbay."

"You don't have time to go to sickbay?" Archer raised his eyebrows. "May I ask what you were doing? I thought you were off duty."

Trip was at a loss for words, not knowing whether Archer was teasing him or wanted a serious answer. Sim saved him. "He was resting, Cap'n, like Phlox ordered him to."

Archer looked at them both, giving them the impression that he knew much more than he was supposed to, but then he dropped the matter, turning to Trip. "I thought of sending Malcolm, T'Pol and you, provided that Phlox allows it."

"Only three people? Don't think that Malcolm likes goin' down there without a bunch of security people."

"The planet is uninhabited, Trip," Malcolm explained. "Only plants and some primeval animals."

"Like dinosaurs," Sim offered, making the others laugh.

"There wasn't much time for a thorough scan when the last window appeared, but I don't think there are any animals that are bigger than a wolf." T'Pol told him with one eyebrow raised.

"Little dinosaurs are also dangerous," Sim muttered and Trip gently elbowed him in the ribs.

Archer looked at Sim and actually smiled. "I think the team is competent enough to cope with animals, even with dinosaurs."

"Would you mind assignin' me to the away team, Cap'n?" Sim asked, sobering up again.

Archer hesitated and Sim tried to explain. "Sir, I remember all of Trip's away missions, but the memories aren't really mine. I would like to make my own experiences." Sim shot Archer a pleading glance that was so much like Trip's best puppy stare that Archer actually smiled a little.

He thought about it for a minute. "I don't see any reason why you shouldn't join the away team, Sim. I wouldn't mind. Malcolm?"

"It's okay with me, Sir. Couldn't be bad to have another capable engineer at hand."

"Captain," T'Pol spoke up. "I don't think it is necessary to have four people on the away team. With your permission, I think I would be of more use if I stayed on Enterprise to observe the atmospheric interferences."

Trip was disappointed. He would have liked to have T'Pol on the away team, although he would never have admitted it. He couldn't understand her. He didn't believe that her statement that three people would be enough for this mission was her only reason. He had the distinct feeling that her decision had something to do with Sim being assigned to the away team. Could it be that she, too, had prejudices against Sim? That wouldn't be very Vulcan, though. And why in hell was Sim having such a hard time trying to conceal the furtive smile that was tugging at his lips?

#####


Trip groaned, his eyes tightly shut. His body was starting to itch all over like it always did when he had to lie perfectly still. He hated the narrow scanner chamber. It gave him the feeling of being buried alive. But to get Phlox' okay for the mission he had to undergo this procedure.

Trip thought about the briefing. He had been very pleased to see how Jon had reacted to Sim, treating him like a worthy crewmember. Trip scolded himself for forgetting to ask the captain to give Sim his own quarters. Truth be told he felt very comfortable sharing his quarters with Sim and he wouldn't mind doing it for a few more days.

But there was something going on between Sim and T'Pol. There was no need for T'Pol to stay on board only because there were two engineers assigned to the team. Trip didn't believe for a moment that T'Pol had prejudices against Sim. She wouldn't feel this way just because he was a clone. If anything, it would be the fact that Sim was his clone that might worry her Trip chuckled. He felt sorry for T'Pol, having two Charles Tuckers around. But there was more to it and Trip was determined to find out.

The door to the scanner chamber opened and the stretcher Trip lay on slid out. Phlox beamed at him. "I'm happy to say, Commander, that you have regained full health. You're allowed to go back to full duty and of course to join the away team."

"Thanks Doc." Trip got himself into a sitting position. "That's good to hear." He hesitated. "Doc?"

Phlox surveyed him with questioning interest. "What is it, Commander?"

Trip inhaled audibly. "I wanted to thank you for taking care of me. Y'know…" Trip shifted uncomfortably on the stretcher, "…when I was out."

"You're welcome, Commander." Phlox smiled. "But I'm not the one you should thank. I didn't do very much besides the medical care. It was mostly Captain Archer who took care of you."

"The cap'n?" Trip exclaimed.

"Yes, Captain Archer came by every morning and every evening. And when he had the time to do so, he took over the duties of my medical staff. He often washed and shaved you, moved your limbs so that they wouldn't get stiff and every evening he sat beside your bed for almost an hour, telling you about the day and what was going on on Enterprise and every evening he promised you a good kick in your… hmm, …behind if you weren't going to wake up again soon."

Trip nodded, fighting hard to suppress the burning sensation in his eyes.

"He wasn't the only one," Phlox proceeded, pretending not to see Trip's emotional state. "Lieutenant Reed came by every day as did Ensigns Sato and Mayweather, and even T'Pol sat at your bedside from time to time."

"T'Pol?" Trip jumped from the stretcher, so surprised that he didn't know what to say.

"Please excuse me, Commander, I've got work to do." Phlox once again smiled and left, leaving Trip in confusion.

#####

Late in the evening, Trip was still thinking about T'Pol. After a companionable dinner with Sim, Hoshi and Travis - Malcolm hadn't been able to make it due to some problems in the armory - he made his way to T'Pol's quarters. He still couldn't believe that she had taken the time to sit beside his bed when he had lain in a coma. "Next thing she tells me that she cares for me," he muttered, but he couldn't suppress the faint smile that tugged at his lips.

He rang the bell and straightened his posture when he heard the familiar voice. "Come in."

"Good evening, T'Pol. I'm sorry that I missed our last appointments."

T'Pol raised one eyebrow. "You were in a coma, Commander."

Trip sighed. Every time he tried to tease the Vulcan, she showed him up like a silly young boy. He bit his lip not knowing what to answer. He couldn't say "Hey, T'Pol, I heard you sat at my bedside. What am I supposed to make of this?"

T'Pol regarded him attentively. "Please, sit down, Commander, and take your shirt off."

Trip nodded, glad that he didn't have to answer.

T'Pol sat down behind him, starting the neuropressure. Trip closed his eyes, enjoying the relaxing feeling. Breathing deeply and evenly, he felt the day's tension subside.

"Have you experienced any nightmares since you woke up from the coma, Commander?" T'Pol asked.

"No." Trip shook his head. "I haven't slept very well but not because of any nightmares."

"You're troubled because of Sim."

"Yeah." Trip sighed. "It's not a very reassurin' feelin' when you wake up and find out that you have been cloned."

"I see what you mean."

"What did you think about it?" Trip suppressed the urge to turn around and look into T'Pol's eyes. "Did the cap'n ask you for your opinion?"

"Actually, he didn't ask. But I told him what I thought about the procedure."

"And? What was your advice?" Trip tried hard not to show his amusement. He knew that the answer to this question was very difficult for T'Pol. He was sure that she had told the captain a lot about ethical consequences.

"I told him that the Lyssarian Prime Conclave banned the use of Lyssarian larvae for cloning."

"What?" Trip quickly turned around, causing T'Pol's hands to slip off his back. "Lyssarian larvae? What's that?"

"That's the creature Sim used to be," T'Pol explained calmly. "Like I said, it's forbidden to use these creatures for cloning."

"So you would have preferred to let me die?" Trip was curious how T'Pol's logical mind would solve this problem.

T'Pol pressed against his shoulders and he had no choice but to turn his back to her again. She continued the neuropressure and Trip thought she would simply ignore his question.

"I'm glad that you are alive, Commander," she said eventually. "And I'm glad that Sim survived."

"But you don't want to join us on the away mission."

The hands on his back paused for a split second. T'Pol's voice betrayed no emotion when she answered. "As I told the captain it is not necessary to assign a science officer to the mission when two engineers are already part of it. You won't need my expertise to download a database."

"If I didn't know better, T'Pol, I would say you have prejudices against Sim. That you don't feel comfortable around him because he's a clone."

"I assure you, Commander, that I don't experience any preconceptions against Sim. And it is not true that I feel uncomfortable in his presence because he is a clone. Actually, working with him was very agreeable." T'Pol got up. "We're done, Commander. You may put on your shirt."

"Thanks a lot, T'Pol. That was great."

T'Pol inclined her head. "You're welcome, Commander."

#####

Quietly, Trip opened the door to his quarters. Sim had been experiencing a slight headache in the evening and had been planning to go to bed early. Trip smiled when he saw him lying on his cot. The blanket had slipped down and gently, Trip put it back in place. He felt awfully tired and decided to skip the washing procedure for once. His eyes almost fell shut when he slipped out of his pants and shirt. Yawning, he lay down and, relishing the sleepy feeling, he relaxed and looked forward to a good night's sleep.

"No! Get outta here! Hurry! Don't stay there! Get out!"

Trip startled. What the hell…

"Please!" Sobs came from the other side of the room. "Please, no!"

Trip flinched when realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Sim was experiencing the same nightmares he had had. Of course he did. Trip switched on the lights and rushed out of his bed and to his friend's side. Sim's face was wet with tears and he tossed and turned in agony, but didn't wake up.

"Sim!" Trip tried to catch Sim's shoulders. "Sim! Wake up! It's a nightmare. Sim!" He shook his shoulders until Sim opened his eyes and looked at Trip with a confused expression. "A nightmare?" he asked, his voice hoarse and choked with tears.

Trip nodded, swallowing hard. He felt tears running down his own face. "I'm so sorry, Sim," he whispered, pulling Sim into his arms. "I didn't think about it. Not even for a second. I went to see T'Pol for neuropressure and didn't think even for a moment that you might experience the same nightmares. You should have accompanied me."

Sim laid his head on Trip's shoulder. "It's okay, Trip," he sighed. "It's okay."

"No, it's not." Trip pulled Sim even closer. "I'm so sorry. I know that you are I but I didn't think about the consequences."

Sim didn't answer, but Trip could feel him relax. He patted his shoulder. Those nightmares were always awful and he was very grateful that T'Pol was willing to help him. But now Sim was experiencing the very same nightmares about Lizzie, and Trip cursed himself for not thinking of this possibility.

Sim let go of him, running his hand over his face. "I'm okay, Trip. Really."

"Hey," Trip said gently, handing Sim a Kleenex. "Who do you think you're tryin' to fool?"

Sim sniffed and wiped his eyes. Then he sighed and smiled faintly. They looked into each other's eyes. Neither of them could speak about the nightmares, about Lizzie and their mourning for her death, but simply by knowing that the other one felt the same, they both felt strangely reassured.

"You go and see T'Pol tomorrow. I'm sure she won't mind giving you neuropressure as well," Trip suggested.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, 'course I do."

"She doesn't feel very comfortable around me."

"That's nonsense, Sim. I asked her and she told me that she has no preconceptions and doesn't feel uncomfortable around you."

"Did she actually say that?"

"More or less. Her words were something like 'It is not true that I feel uncomfortable in Sim's presence because he is a clone'." Trip tried to copy T'Pol's clipped way of speaking and actually made Sim smile.

"I know," Sim said. "She feels uncomfortable in my presence because she kissed me."

"She…what?" Trip startled. "Say that again."

"She feels uncomfortable…"

"Skip that part." Trip cut him short. "Repeat the end of the sentence."

"…because she kissed me."

"You kissed T’Pol?" Trip tried hard to regain his composure.

"No! She kissed me."

Trip opened his mouth and closed it again, staring at Sim in disbelief. "T’Pol kissed you?"

Sim grinned. "Jealous?"

"No!" Determinedly, Trip shook his head. "No. I’m not jealous. Why should I be?"

Sim grinned even more. "Hey. And now who do you think you're tryin' to fool? I know better."

Trip only grimaced.

"Look. She thought I was going to die. It was just a good-bye kiss."

Trip snorted. "I can't believe it. Our emotionless Vulcan lady kissed you. I just wonder…" He trailed off.

"You wonder whether she kissed me because she's attracted to you or whether she likes me, Sim." Sim looked at Trip, but when he didn't answer, he continued: "I have the same problem. I don't know whether I like T'Pol because you are attracted to her or whether the feelings for her are my own."

"I'm not attracted…" Trip tried to defend himself, but stopped. Sim was right, he knew even about the things Trip didn't dare to admit to himself. "It must be difficult for you," he said instead of finishing his sentence. "You can never be sure whether you experience your own feelings or mine."

"Yeah, sometimes it drives me crazy," Sim admitted. They sat in silence for a few minutes, each of them lost in his own thoughts. "What're you goin' to do about T'Pol?" Sim suddenly broke the silence.

"I can't do anythin'." Trip shrugged. "I can't just go to her and say: hey T'Pol, you kissed Sim. What about me?"

Sim chuckled. "But you can tell her that you like her."

"I think she knows."

"Yeah, but you keep denyin' it to yourself. I even think you would deny it if she told you that you're attracted to her." Sim snorted. "You wouldn't lose face if you admitted it. It's not so difficult."

"Why? Why is it difficult for me, but not for you? I thought you had the same feelings, why don't you feel as self-conscious as I do?"

Sim bit his lip. "Your views of life change when you know you're goin' to die soon, Trip. You realize what kind of things are important. And that is not a properly functionin' warpcore." Sim reconsidered. "Okay, actually, it is. But telling people what they mean to you is more important."

"It sounds so simple."

"It is, Trip."

Trip shook his head. "I have no problems tellin' Malcolm or Jon that I like them, or Hoshi, but not T'Pol."

"Okay." Sim grinned. "Then I have your permission to take my chances?"

Trip's mouth fell open. "No, you don't!"

Sim laughed and got settled on his cot. "I think we should let T'Pol decide about this. Good night, Trip."

Trip patted his shoulder. "Night." He sighed. Despite the relaxing effects of the neuropressure it was going to be another sleepless night. He had too much to think about.


TBC


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