A Life Worth Living - Chapter 5

A LIFE WORTH LIVING

By Gabi

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Action/Adventure/Angst

Summary: What if both Trip and Sim had survived the transplantation? Takes place during Similitude

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own the characters and I don't make any money with this story.

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Chapter 5

Trip leaned his head against the bulkhead, closed his eyes for a moment and let out an inaudible sigh. As he had expected, the night hadn't been particularly refreshing. Various thoughts still troubled his mind and made him dizzy, thoughts about love and life in general and T'Pol in particular.

Sighing once again, Trip decided to postpone his broodings and to concentrate on the mission. Smiling, he looked at Sim who was piloting the shuttlepod through space as if he had done it a hundred times before. Actually, Sim had the same experience flying a shuttlepod as Trip had, and Trip had to remind himself of this fact every time he felt the urge to check the controls. He knew he could trust Sim.

It had been a simple decision to leave the helm to Sim. Trip still felt tired and Malcolm was content to sit in the second row. Besides, Trip knew how much it meant to Sim to pilot the shuttle himself, to work the controls with his own hands and not only remember doing so.

They were waiting in the planet's outer atmosphere for the interferences to subside. T'Pol had warned them stringently not to fly too close to the layer of distortions that would shut down all electronic devices. But the window that was to open would be stable for only a few minutes and so it was very important to be in its range when it appeared.

Sim tapped away on the console, checking the readings at the same time. "Three more minutes to go," he announced. "I'm goin' to approach the coordinates now."

They arrived just in time and slipped through the narrow corridor without incidents. Only some small hisses were heard from the relays.

"Well done, Sim," Malcolm praised and got up to have a look out of the window. "So, let's see what's waiting for us down there. Do you have the coordinates of the Xindi vessel?"

Sim gave Maloclm a lopsided grin. "Yeah, I have them right here on the navigation computer, where T'Pol sent them to."

Approaching the surface, they realized that the crashed vessel lay in the middle of a huge forest that covered an area that stretched far beyond the horizon.

"Great," Trip muttered under his breath. "Looks like we're in for a good walk."

"Doesn't matter." Sim all but smirked. "Makes your head clear. Can you search for a landin' site?"

Trip had already busied himself with the scanner. "There's a clearin' about three kilometers east of the vessel. We'd only have to cross a river."

"A river?" Malcolm asked, startled.

"Yeah." Trip turned around, looking at his friend in surprise. "You don't mind gettin' a little wet, do you?"

Malcolm grimaced. "It's not about getting wet," he grumbled.

"Well, what is it about then?" Trip raised his eyebrows.

"Isn't there another landing site from which we can approach the Xindi craft without having to cross a river?" Malcolm asked instead of giving an answer.

"Yes, there is," Trip confirmed, biting his lip when he saw Malcolm relax at his words. "But it is about twelve kilometers away."

"Shit," Malcolm cursed. "We don't have the time to cut us through twelve kilometers of bushes and trees." He swallowed. "Guess it has to be that bloody river, then."

Trip saw Malcolm's hands tremble slightly and shot his friend an inquiring glance. But Malcolm ignored him, looking out of the window instead and faking interest in the forest below. When he got a look at the broad stream that cut the forest in two, he visibly paled.

"It's about two hundred meters wide," Sim told them. "Not that big a problem."

Malcolm nodded, but Trip could see him swallow. He wondered what Malcolm was afraid of. Couldn't be a little bit of water, could it?

In an elegant curve, Sim landed the shuttlepod on the clearing and shut down the thrusters. Trip nodded approvingly, which made Sim smile.

"Okay, what are we going to take with us?" Malcolm asked, pulling out a backpack from under the seat.

"I don't think we should take too much," Trip said. "We don't have that much time. The next window opens in about five hours and we don't know when another window will appear."

"Five hours should be enough time to finish the job." Sim stretched. "From what I've seen the terrain doesn't look very difficult. But I agree, we shouldn't take too much with us. I don't think we'll need much."

Malcolm looked from Trip to Sim and smiled wryly. Of course they shared the same opinion. He put the medkit into the backpack, as well as some nutrient bars and a few bottles of water while Trip and Sim made sure that the toolkit contained all of the required tools, before they stowed it away in the backpack as well.

Trip took the backpack and opened the hatch, squinting against the bright sunlight. Sticky, humid air surrounded them. Birds were chirping in the trees and swarms of insects bore down on them in a matter of seconds, taking their chances when they saw fresh sources of blood arrive.

Malcolm squashed an insect that had managed to sting him straight through his uniform. Brushing away its body, he saw a small spot of blood. "Lovely," he muttered.

"Looks like now is the perfect time to use the lotion Phlox gave us." Trip rummaged in the backpack and offered Malcolm a small tube. "Apply this to your face and hands. It should drive away the insects."

Malcolm squeezed some of the liquid onto his fingers, held them in front of his nose and pulled a face. "No doubt," he commented. "This smell would drive away anyone."

Trip grimaced as they applied the liquid to their faces, but looking at the size of the insects that were buzzing through the air, he decided that it was better to smell like they hadn't washed themselves in over a year than to serve as a human pin-cushion.

"Okay, let's go then." Sim said.

Trip took the lead. They crossed the clearing and entered the forest. At once the air got cooler and the light that filtered through the foliage was much more agreeable than the bright sunshine outside. The trees were about six or seven meters high and their leaves were such a dark green that they appeared to be black. The whole ground was covered with leaves and rotten roots and a lot of vines that were growing everywhere, as if they had been put there to make them stumble. For a short moment Trip was sure that some of the vines were moving, crawling over the ground like snakes, but after he had blinked a few times to clear his vision, they lay perfectly still. Trip shook his head, thinking back to the unpleasant experience he had had with the pollen on their very first alien planet. Had T'Pol mentioned anything about the air on this planet and whether it could contain some contaminants?

"It's beautiful here," Sim murmured in awe behind him, jerking him out of his thoughts. "Look at these flowers."

Trip nodded, glancing at what looked like purple and blue corn poppies, standing in groups everywhere in between the trees, each of them nearly a meter high. "Seems like everything here is a little bit oversized," he stated. "It makes me think of the dinosaurs you mentioned."

Sim chuckled. "You heard T'Pol. The away team is capable enough to deal even with dinosaurs."

"Let's hope so." Trip took a knife to cut through some climbers that blocked their way.

Sim helped him. "That's weird," he said. "Looks like these climbers are weavin' a net between the trees."

"Yeah, and they're very resilient." Trip yanked at the plants with all his strength and finally they gave way, causing Trip to stumble backwards straight into Malcolm's arms.

"Be careful, Commander," Malcolm chuckled, but Trip could feel how tense his friend's muscles were.

"Hey, that would be your job anyhow," Trip accused him jokingly. "You're the security officer, you should be the one doing the work here."

"Yes, you're right." Malcolm took the knife out of Trip's hand and brushed past him.

"Hey Mal, that was a joke." Trip ran his hand through his hair. "Come on, what's the matter with you? Relax. There's not a single dinosaur on the scanner and the insects don't seem to like your smell."

With grim determination Malcolm began to cut through the climbers, tearing small branches from bushes and trees so they could make their way through the thicket. "I just want to be finished with this," he muttered, barely audible, but both Trip and Sim noticed the frustrated tone in his voice and looked at each other in surprise.

After walking in silence for a few minutes, Sim took the scanner and checked the readings. "We're approachin' the water," he told his friends.

"I wouldn't mind a break." Trip stopped and wiped the sweat from his forehead. Since he had been raised in Florida, he was used to humid air, but here it was so dense that he actually felt like he had to cut through it.

"Me, too," Sim said. "But I don't think Malcolm agrees with us."

Trip watched Malcolm, who was still busy forcing a way through the forest. Shrugging, he followed, Sim at his heels. The terrain started getting easier.

The river's low murmur had been audible for some minutes by now, and they could see the silver band of water shimmering through the trees. Soon, they stood at the bank, facing a slight slope covered with reeds and grass descending to the water. The river was flowing slowly and steadily and looked very peaceful.

"Which do you think would be better?" Sim asked. "Take our clothes off or walk through the water fully dressed?"

"My uniform is soaked with sweat," Trip answered. "Wouldn't make sense to take it off."

Trip saw Malcolm shiver, and frowned. It was hotter than summer in hell down here, so there had to be something other than cold that made Malcolm tremble. Gently, he put his hand on Malcolm's arm. "What is it, Malcolm? Anythin' on your mind?"

Malcolm swallowed and for a moment it seemed that he wouldn't answer, but then, after moistening his lips, he said in a low voice. "I'm afraid of the water."

"You're what?" Sim and Trip called out. They looked at each other, then at Malcolm who stared at them provokingly, although he blushed slightly.

"Malcolm," Sim said in a reassuring tone of voice. "This river isn't deep. We can wade through it."

Malcolm pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's not so easy, Sim. It's aquaphobia. I start to panic when I have to go into the water, no matter how deep it is. And as embarrassing as it is, I can't do anything about it."

Trip laid his hand on Malcolm's shoulder. "Hey, we all are afraid of somethin'. It isn't that big a thing." The sparkle returned into Trip's eyes. "For me it's very reassurin' to know that even the dauntless Malcolm Reed has his weak point."

The slightest of smiles appeared on Malcolm's lips, but he didn't answer Trip's joke.

Sim had taken a scanner out of his pocket. "The water's 1.20 to 1.40 meters deep in most places, at least. But I'm afraid that in the middle we'll have to swim a few meters. Do you think you manage?" He paused. "Can you swim?"

"Yes, of course I can swim," Malcolm said with an expression on his face that told Sim and Trip that there was more to it.

"Come on," Trip said reassuringly. "We'll take care of you. We won't let you drown." He grinned lopsidedly when Malcolm shot him a half reproachful, half guilty look.

Sim chuckled. "Now at least we know why you didn't follow the family tradition and join the Navy."

"My great-uncle did," Malcolm said, still staring at the sparkling water. "He suffered from aquaphobia, too, but it didn't prevent him from doing his duty."

"Explorin' deep space isn't a desk job, either," Sim said. "I'm sure your family is proud of you, regardless whether you joined the Navy or Starfleet."

Malcolm didn't look very convinced, but he carefully started to descend the slope. Sim held Trip back as he was going to follow Malcolm. "Give me the backpack. You stay with Malcolm."

Trip wanted to object, but he knew Sim was right. Malcolm trusted him more, for he had been his friend much longer than Sim had been, regardless of whether Sim was a perfect copy of Trip or not. So he handed Sim the backpack and slid down the slope.

#####

Surprisingly, the water was warm. Trip grimaced in disappointment. "Guess we have to postpone the refreshment," he told the others. "It's like a bath tub."

Sim nodded, looking at his scanner. "The water has a temperature of 35 degrees Celsius. I never encountered a river with such warm water." He shot Trip an annoyed glance, telling the engineer that he didn't have to voice his thoughts about Sim never having encountered even a normal river.

"Perhaps it's fed by subterraneous warm springs," Malcolm, who wasn't aware of their silent dialogue, offered. "Or it flows subterraneously for some time and is heated by geothermal sources." His eyes traced the stream as if he could detect a place where the river appeared from under the ground, and where they would be able to go on without having to cross the water.

"Come on, Mal." Trip patted his friend's shoulder. "Let's get this over with."

Malcolm closed his eyes and made his first step into the warm water, which became deeper with every step. Soon they stood up to their waist in the river. Trip held himself ready to lend Malcolm a helping hand but the armory officer refused it. He had his eyes firmly fixed on the other bank.

They had to walk carefully. The ground was uneven and covered with rotten roots and vines that tugged at their feet and caused them to stumble more than once. Trip and Sim really would have preferred to swim than to walk once the water reached their chest but they didn't do it, not wanting to hurt Malcolm's feelings. Sim had to hold the backpack over his head which didn't look like a comfortable way to carry it, but he didn't complain.

Suddenly Trip's right leg got caught in a root and he was sure that a vine was winding itself around his leg and was trying to pull him down. For a moment he felt panic rise in his throat, the same panic Malcolm must be feeling the whole time. Trip tried to breathe evenly and to think clearly. There were only dead plants beneath him, drowned by the water a long time ago. With his left foot he stamped down the vine and broke loose. Neither Sim nor Malcolm had noticed that he had stopped and Trip was glad they hadn't.

"So how did you learn to swim?" Sim asked. "It must have been hard, bein' afraid of the water."

Trip knew he was trying to distract Malcolm, but wasn't so sure whether it was the right topic to do so. But Malcolm actually started to relax a little while he was speaking.

"My parents had a cabin at a lake and we used to spend all our weekends there. Actually, I loved playing in the water. At least as long as I could stay at its outer fringes. My favorite game was to spatter water on Madeleine. But she knew how to escape me very easily. She could swim when she was three years old and I couldn't do so at the age of five. I didn't dare to go deeper into the water than up to my knees. More than once, my father let me know how disgusted he was by my cowardly behavior, but my mother told him to be patient. She often tried to pull me into deeper water and as long as she held me it was okay. But when she tried to let go of me I clung to her and began to cry." Malcolm shrugged. "Not the image my father had of a fine Navy officer."

Sim grinned. "You can't force your children to follow all your ideas." He stowed the scanner away in the backpack. "Okay, folks, it's goin' to get deeper. It's only for a distance of about twenty meters. Just watch out, I've detected a ravine a few meters ahead on our right side. Be sure not to stumble in it." He turned onto his back and started backstroking, using only his legs to do so, holding the backpack on his chest so it wouldn't get too wet.

Malcolm had stopped, and looked at Sim who easily crossed the distance.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Trip asked in a low voice. "If you want you can hold on to me."

Malcolm shook his head. "There's nothing to be afraid of," he declared firmly, trying to convince himself more than Trip. "Let's go."

Trip stayed at Malcolm's side, ready to help his friend if needed. But Malcolm did a good job, although he kept his eyes tightly shut and his arms were slightly shaking. Trip could hear him breathing in ragged gasps and felt admiration for his friend's control. He was sure he wouldn't be able to keep such a tight grip on himself if he were in Malcolm's place. Relieved, he felt solid ground under his feet again only after a few strokes. With a short whistle he drew Malcolm's attention and signaled to him that he could stand again.

Malcolm visibly relaxed. Letting out his breath, he turned around. "I can't believe that I really did it," he muttered under his breath.

"You actually did quite well," Sim said. "I thought you would swim like a rubber duck in a bath tub."

Trip splashed some water into Sim's face. "Look at yourself. It's actually the first time you've been swimmin'."

Sim grinned, deciding not to react to Trip's bantering. He wiped the sweat off his forehead. The warm water made him feel like he was sitting in a cooking pot. "Let's go before we're done. I want to get out of this."

"Join the club." Malcolm heaved a sigh and walked forward.

"Your story wasn't finished yet," Trip reminded him.

"Yes, you're right." Malcolm was lost in thought for a moment. "My father had a sailing boat at this lake and although I didn't like going into the water, I loved to go sailing with my father. I used to duck into the bow, press my ear on the planks and listen to the murmurs of the waves that swashed against the boat. In those minutes I thought that water wasn't so bad at all and sometimes I decided to learn how to swim. But I never did. I was too afraid. One Saturday Madeleine felt sick and my mother stayed with her in the cabin. I enjoyed the day alone with my father on our sailboat, but when we were on our way back and about five hundred meters away from the berth, my father told me that it was time that I learned how to swim. He grabbed me and threw me overboard."

Trip and Sim stopped in their tracks. "He did what?"

"I wore a lifejacket, so I guess he thought it wouldn't be dangerous."

"He should have known better." Trip pressed his lips together. "How old were you at the time?"

"Six. And my father thought it was a shame that I couldn't swim at the age of six."

"Bullshit," Sim commented.

"And what happened then?" Trip asked.

"For a moment I just lay dead in the water like the rubber duck Sim mentioned before. I was in shock and it took me a while to realize what my father had done. But then I started to kick and splash and cry. I pleaded with my father to take me on board again, but he refused. He said that he had shown me often enough how to swim and it was time for me to prove that I had learned my lesson. He told me again how to use my arms and legs, but I didn't listen to him. I panicked. Despite the lifejacket, I ducked under several times and I swallowed lots of water."

They had reached the other side of the river, but Sim and Trip just stood and looked at Malcolm, eagerly awaiting the rest of his story. The water was still thigh deep but there was no slope on this side, so Malcolm heaved himself out of the water and walked a few steps ahead until he reached dry ground again. Sim and Trip had no choice but to follow him.

"And then?" Sim urged.

Malcolm leaned against a tree. "My father waited until I had calmed down again. At least he thought that I had calmed down. Actually, I simply had no strength left to struggle. My father tried to teach me how to swim, but I desperately tried to get back onto the boat again. But he wouldn't let me. Eventually, he told me he would wait for me at the berth. And then he sailed along."

Trip stared at his friend in dismay. "He left you in the water? He left a six-year-old boy who couldn't swim half a kilometer away from the bank?"

"What did you do?" Sim asked.

Malcolm shrugged. "I learned how to swim."

Sim shook his head. "I can't understand your father. Wasn't he afraid that you would drown? He must have known that wearin' a lifejacket is no assurance against drownin'?"

Malcolm shrugged once more. "I don't know. And I didn't care. It took me more than an hour to reach the bank. You can't actually call it swimming what I did, I simply struggled against the water, trying to stay alive and hold my head up so I wouldn't swallow more water. It was the worst hour in my entire life. I thought I would never be able to reach the bank and I became sick from fear. I threw up all the water I had swallowed. I didn't like the water before, but from that day I definetely hated it."

"Who wouldn't," Sim muttered.

"My father said he was proud of me, and that it was important to learn how to overcome one's fears. He said these qualities would be crucial if I wanted to join the Navy." Malcolm smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "That was the moment I decided that I would never join the Navy. Of course I didn't tell my father about this decision then. I only stumbled to bed and wished that I would never see water, or my father for that matter, ever again."

Simultaneously, Sim and Trip laid their hands on Malcolm's shoulders. "I can't even try to imagine how afraid you must have been," Trip said gently. "Bein' all alone in the water at the age of six would have been horrible enough even if you could swim. It's not surprisin' that you developed aquaphobia. Heck, anyone would have."

Malcolm nodded. He still felt uncomfortable about Trip and Sim knowing about his phobia now, although they had reacted very understandingly. Malcolm looked back. He couldn't deny that he felt a little proud that he had managed to cross the river without panicking. Perhaps there still was hope. At least for the way back.

TBC

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