What Lies Within Us- Chapter 17

What Lies Within Us

by Gabi

Disclaimers in Chapter 1

*******

Chapter 17

Jonathan Archer startled as his comm went off. "Phlox to Captain Archer."

Jon cast his chronometer a glance and saw that it was just after 5 am. He'd actually managed to fall asleep and had even slept past Phlox' deadline. Trip! He scrambled out of bed. "Archer here."

"Captain, I am going to remove the tube now. I assume you'd like to be present at the occasion. The Commander..."

"I'm on my way, Phlox," Jon interrupted, cutting the connection. He rested his head against the wall, trying to fight the sobs that were making his throat constrict, seemingly rising from his very heart. That was it now. That was the end of it. After countless battles, they'd eventually lost the war. He wondered what Trip was feeling at the moment. It was so cruel. Time after time they'd raised his hopes, and time after time these hopes had been crushed again. Everything he'd gone through, everything Jonathan had forced him to endure had been in vain. Now there was only one thing left to do; give Trip a sedative and switch off the respirator so he could at least die peacefully. Letting him go was for the best; for Trip, anyway. But what effect would it have on the crew? Jon stepped into the bathroom, turning on the faucet and spraying his face with cold water.

Damn the crew, he thought suddenly. What effect would it have on himself? On Jonathan Archer, who'd always been able to rely on the Commander to support him. Trip had always been there when he'd needed him, no matter if it had been private matters or official ones. Jon felt so miserable. The friendship between them had grown so strong over the years that he just couldn't imagine having to do without it. What he was about to do seemed like abandoning Trip. He felt the urge to tell Phlox not to turn off that respirator; he wanted to keep Trip, no matter in what condition. But who was he to decide over the life and death of his friend? He had to keep his promise. The promise he'd given his best friend. The promise not to torment him any more but to let him go. Let him die. The words echoed through Jon's thoughts. Letting Trip die. It was harder than anything he'd ever done in his entire life. Trip was still way too young. He had so much to offer, to Enterprise and to Starfleet. But Jon had to go through with this. He owed him that much. There was that one last thing he could do for Trip, fulfill his last request and stay with him and hold his hand when the end came.

And what if Trip had changed his mind? Jon raised his head, staring at his own reflection in the mirror. There was a difference between talking about the situation hypothetically and actually going through it. Trip had been on the brink of dying, what if he'd realized that life was too valuable to just give it up, after all? What if Trip didn't want to die? He couldn't tell them. Jon swallowed. An image came to his mind, the image of Trip lying on that biobed, unable to move or speak. Jon knew Trip well enough to know what torture that must be for him. Deep down within his mind the Captain was aware that Trip's decision hadn't changed, had maybe even been reinforced by what had happened. But how could he be so sure about that? Jon stared into red-rimmed eyes that were looking at him from inside the mirror. He had to talk to Trip once more. Ask him if he really wanted Phlox to turn off the respirator. Trip couldn't answer, but he could use his eyes to communicate with his surroundings. He could blink or something to tell them what he wanted. The thing was that Jon didn't know which answer he should be hoping for.

Letting out a deep sigh, he left his quarters, slowly walking along the corridors of his ship. Of an Enterprise that would have to manage without her Chief Engineer in the future. Oh, there would be a new Chief Engineer, of course. But it wouldn't be the same. Trip Tucker couldn't be replaced, by no-one. And everytime Jon's eyes would fall on the new Chief Engineer, he would be reminded of what he'd lost, he knew that much. Why did the way to sickbay seem to go by so quickly this time? He didn't want to face what was awaiting him there. He wasn't ready yet.

Jon sighed as he stepped through the double doors. "Phlox?"

"Captain?"

"Is he awake?"
"He's been for a few minutes."

Jon swallowed. "Please, I'd like a moment alone with him before you turn off the respirator."

"Before? Why? Afterwards, you'll have all the time..." Phlox broke off, studying the Captain's miserable expression. "Captain, I am removing the tube because Commander Tucker is capable of breathing on his own. The cure shows an effect."

Jon's heart skipped a beat as he incredulously stared at the doctor's broad smile. Could this be happening? He wasn't quite able to believe it. "He can breathe?"

"Indeed, Captain. As soon as I have removed the tube. You should have let me finish earlier, I was just about to tell you."

"How long do you know?"

"Fortunately, Lieutenant Reed convinced me not to stick too close to my deadline of 0300 hours. Around 0400, I seemed to notice a slight improvement, and over the last half-hour, the Commander's respiration has been restoring steadily. And if you don't object, I would like to take him off the respirator now."

Jon simply nodded. He felt numb. Could this be possible? Could it actually be happening? He licked his dry lips as he stepped up beside Trip's bed.

Malcolm looked up. "It works, Captain."

Jon glanced at his Armory Officer. He couldn't remember seeing the usually so reserved younger man look happier than he did now. All of a sudden, Jon felt his knees tremble with relief. Trip's fight hadn't been in vain. He'd gotten another chance. A good chance. Jon bent over Trip and looked into blue eyes that were answering his gaze questioningly as well as apprehensively.

"Welcome back, Commander," he said quietly, feeling his eyes burn.

"Captain! Would you please step aside and let me do my job?" Phlox sounded slightly impatient. Jon threw him a guilty side-glance, moving away from the bed. He took Trip's hand and held it while Phlox got to work. His heart began thumping against his ribs as he realized what he'd just said to Trip. His friend would live. They all would be spared the hard task of letting him die. Enterprise would keep her charismatic Chief Engineer. And he would keep his friend. Jon took a deep breath and felt all the hopeless, depressed feelings vanish, to be replaced by a deep, all-embracing sensation of bliss.

Gently, Phlox removed the tube. Trip gagged and coughed, then drew in a labored, unsteady breath.

"Sit him up," Phlox said. "He'll be breathing more easily."

Jon perched on the edge of the bed, and with Malcolm's help he carefully pulled Trip into a sitting position, resting the Commander's head against his shoulder and supporting it. Trip was still coughing and breathing raspyly. "Jon, Malcolm," he whispered hoarsely.

"Don't talk, Trip." Jon patted him on the back. "Try to breathe evenly. Everything's alright. It's over."

Malcolm turned to Phlox who was currently busy running his med scanner over Trip.

"Will he be alright, doc?" His voice was a little unsteady and his hands were trembling slightly.

"I'm afraid I can't tell yet, Lieutenant."

Jon let his gaze wander from Trip to Phlox to Malcolm. "I can. The strangers weren't quite sure if the agent was going to work, but they said if it takes any effect at all, then there'll be a complete recovery. Without any reservations." He smiled at Trip and felt that he was trembling a little himself. "You're gonna be able to walk again, Commander."

"You didn't know if it'd work?" Trip croaked between two gasping breaths. It was still hard for him to coordinate breathing and talking, but he needed to ask that one question.

"No Trip, the aliens told us the odds were seventy percent that the cure would have an effect. But we couldn't tell you that. You went through enough without that knowledge. But believe me, we've gone through hell as well in these last few hours. It was worth it, though."

Phlox handed Malcolm a cup of water and set himself to pulling the needle which had provided the Commander with nutrients the last twenty six hours out of Trip's arm. Malcolm carefully put the cup to Trip's lips who took a sip, then began to cough.

"Take it easy, Commander," Malcolm said. "Might be better to first breathe, then drink."

Trip glanced at his friend and tried a smile. He could feel Malcolm's relief. For a moment, he considered giving a smart reply, but breathing evenly was difficult enough.

Malcolm smiled broadly, putting down the cup and furtively wiping a hand across his eyes. "I'll go and let some people know." He was sure that Hoshi as well as Travis or T'Pol wouldn't mind the nightly disturbance and would probably show up here in a few minutes at the most. He found it to be a real pleasure to pass on the happy news. Eventually, he pressed the button once again. Trip's crew as well had a right to know what was going on. "Reed to Engineering."

"This is Hess."

"Lieutenant?" Malcolm frowned, slightly surprised. "What are you doing in Engineering at this time of night?"

"Nearly the whole staff is present, Lieutenant," Hess sighed. "Sleep's out of question, anyway, and Engineering seems like the right place to wait for news. Is it over?"

"Yes, Lieutenant. It's over." Only when he heard the young woman's sobs Malcolm realized that Hess must have taken that line completely different than he'd meant it. "Lieutenant, listen to me. It's over, but not the way you're thinking. The Commander's breathing on his own again."

"Sir?" It was only a sniffling sob that came over the comm.

Malcolm smiled a little. "I'm terribly sorry, Hess, but I'm afraid you'll yet have to wait until you can take over Engineering. He's going to make it. The Commander will make a full recovery."

Hess didn't reply, but a few seconds later Malcolm thought he could almost see the sickbay wall vibrate as the sound of many voices cheering burst from the intercom's small speaker.

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One more to come

Continue to Chapter 18 - Conclusion

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Three people have made comments

*packs nerf bat away* :D

btw i caught on well erly to the bit Archer didn't coz i'm better dan him :D

Gr8 chapter, absolutly loved it :) :)

Just a wonderful chapter. Sniff, sniff. Wipes teardrops off computer keyboard.

Wonderful chapter! Just loved it, especially Archer's POV. A real (and lovely) tear-jerker!