Trauma

Trauma

by GhostWriter25

E-mail: starleet2001@yahoo.com

Rating: PG-13
Category: Angst, adult themes.

DISCLAIMER: As usual, Paramount owns Enterprise and all things Star Trek. But they do not own creativity spawned by their franchise. No money exchanged hands, no money will ever exchange hands with this story, etc. etc. etc.

Season: 1

Author’s Note: This has been posted and archived on other sites and possibly available to others if asked. Also, no one has suggested any warnings relating to Non-con, but I put that out as individual interpretation is varying. Decide for yourself, but know it is not described only implied.

****

Chapter 1

Darkness surrounded the outer perimeter of the stark, cold room. A lone spotlight shone down on a prone, naked figure lying face down on the floor. His head was buried in his arms and his back was covered with numerous narrow burn marks.

"Our preliminary examination concluded you would not withstand repeated negative physical contacts. The result should be your complying with our demands and furthering our research."

The man slowly lifted his head and turned, squinting, up at the light. Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker III decided the statement made by the alien voice warranted a response. He swallowed the dryness in his throat burning almost as bad as his back.

"Sorry to disappoint you guys." Trip was surprised at how weak his voice sounded.

"Why?" The alien asked.

"That was sarcasm." Trip replied, annoyed. "Don't you know anything?"

"We know all about your physiology. We know how to terminate you."

Trip shook his head, looking down as the light hurt his eyes. "But you know nothin' 'bout what makes me tick."

There was a brief silence. Maybe they went away. They could have gotten bored with tormenting him, Trip thought.

"Tick?"

"What makes me able to resist your repeated negative physical contacts." Trip answered.

"Your inferior skeletal protective layers are not resisting." The alien responded.

"Don't I know it," Trip said. He was tired and just wanted to sleep. "But I am. Me."

"Explain."

Trip knew he wasn't going to be allowed to sleep. He was some sort of lab experiment to these faceless aliens. He pushed himself up and sat.

"It's human nature to fight to survive." Trip began. "And, for me, to resist compromising my beliefs."

"You will not survive. You have been resisting for three or your days. Eventually, you will succumb."

"Says you," Trip snorted, his back beginning to hurt worse now. He let out a moan. "Maybe you're right. But at least I can live...die with myself."

"What purpose would that serve? You will no longer exist. We will not be impressed."

"What purpose?" Trip asked. "My satisfaction. To my last breath I'll know I was..."

"Faithful," The alien voice interrupted. "To your morals."

"To my uniform," Trip thought. "My ship."

"Yourself."

Trip lay back down on his side. "Yeah, how 'bout that?"

"Your shipmates will not know what happened, or did not happen, to you."

"Exactly." Trip pointed out. "And if I did put on a show for you guys, I'd have to go back and face them."

"Other beings' feelings matter to you?"

"Yeah, so?" Trip shot back.

Suddenly, a young, clothed female alien appeared. Standing a few meters from Trip, she appeared frightened and cowered from the light. Trip looked over at her and saw she was humanoid with shiny, greenish-blue skin. Her eyes were amber and wide with fear.

"I told you people, no!" Trip hollered up at the light. "You can zap me with your laser whips again and again, but no peep show!"

"To preserve your morals and be faithful to your ship."

A bolt of reddish light struck the girl in the side and she shrieked, falling to the floor in a heap. Trip crawled to her, holding the whimpering and shaking girl.

"Don't hurt her!" Trip yelled.

"Then comply."

"Or what?" Trip asked.

"Comply or this one will suffer."

The alien girl disappeared from Trip's arms. Then he heard her shrieks and screams in the distance. He looked around, but couldn't see her. As he crawled around the floor, the light followed him and the same darkness surrounded him. He covered his ears, drawing his knees up and beginning to rock back and forth.

"No," Trip moaned. These monsters would stop at nothing to get what they wanted. Another scream, more of a wail and louder than before, pierced the darkness.

"Stop it," Trip pleaded. "Stop it, please!"

The alien girl reappeared, shivering in a ball on the floor. Trip crawled to her, slowly. She looked up at him as he put his arms around her.

"Mate with this one, or she will be terminated."

Trip began to rock the girl, trying to soothe her and even himself. He felt defeated and hated himself for allowing it. They discovered his weakness by his own babbling.

"Shh," Trip whispered. "It's okay. I don't even know if you can understand me, but..."

The young girl looked at him, reaching a shaking hand up to touch his cheek.

"If there were any other way," Trip defended. "I'm sorry."

Commander Tucker lay down beside the girl wondering how he could ever live with what he was about to do.

----------

Chapter 2

The Enterprise bridge was still and silent, except for the hum of the engines and equipment. Captain Jonathan Archer stood next to Ensign Travis Mayweather as they both stared at the display on the view screen. Lieutenant Malcolm Reed, T'Pol and Ensign Hoshi Sato all at their respective stations also had their attentions on the images.

Doctor Phlox entered the bridge, moving next to T'Pol, and eyed the gaseous light blue cloud that held stationary before them.

"The cloud is not comprised of any substances known." T'Pol said to the doctor. "Our sensors are unable to detect Commander Tucker's life signs."

"The "researchers"?" Phlox asked with a touch of foreboding.

"Get us closer, Travis." Archer instructed. "The whom?"

"A species the Vulcans and I have had limited contact with." Phlox began. "By proxy, actually, in the past, Captain."

"Almost nothing is known about them," T'Pol interjected. "Except that they are scientifically motivated to abduct alien species and conduct experiments on them."

Archer hesitated, slightly. "What kind of experiments?"

"The one patient I had was subjected to various operations." Phlox explained. "Procedures which severely traumatized him."

"So, they live in that cloud?" Ensign Sato wondered out loud.

"The patient Dr. Phlox was referring to," T'Pol added, "was unable to say how he was captured or where the experiments took place. Only that the cloud paralyzed his vessel prior to his capture."

Archer moved down further towards the screen, as if that would make the hidden shuttlepod appear.

"So, Trip may not be in the pod." Archer moved back to Mayweather. "Just a little closer, Ensign."

----------

Trip, lying curled up in the fetal position on the floor, shivered slightly.

"Your others have come for you." The alien voice broke the deafening silence. "We have what we need. There is no further use for you. As we thought, your weakness prevailed."

"No," Trip moaned weakly, as he tried to draw his knees up tighter.

"We attained what we needed. In the end, you could not stop us."

"Go to hell," Trip managed to get out.

----------

The gaseous cloud began to quiver as the Enterprise moved closer. Suddenly, it shrunk inward and dissipated. There in the middle of the screen sat the shuttlepod.

"I have the commander's life signs, Captain." T'Pol immediately reported. "He is functioning, but measured."

"Open hail, Hoshi." Archer ordered.

"Already open, sir."

"Archer to Tucker." There was an unnerving pause. "Are you all right, Trip?"

"Sorry for the delay, Cap'n." Trip's voice pierced the bridge. "I got caught up in this muck. I'm comin' in."

"I'll meet you in shuttlebay..." Archer began.

"Naw," Trip cut him off. "I'll be there. Hold your horses."

Archer looked to Phlox who just held his hands up in a "wait here and see" manner. The captain reluctantly moved to his command chair and sat. They all watched the shuttlepod turn and move off towards the ship.

In what seemed like hours, but was only actually minutes, Tucker entered the bridge. He was dressed in his jumpsuit, but looked disheveled and worn.

"Guess that's the last time you'll let me take a pod out alone, huh?" Trip directed to the captain.

"What happened?" Archer asked, rising and moving to Trip.

"Not sure, really," Tucker shrugged his shoulders. "Test run was complete and I was on my way back when that cloud swallowed me up. Lost all my sensors, communications. What was it anyway?"

"We were unable to determine the origins of the cloud." T'Pol monotoned. "We were also unable to detect your life signs."

"Really?" Trip seemed, uninterested. "Well, Cap'n, I'd like to take a shower and rest up a bit."

The crew exchanged uneasy glances. Though neither one of them could pinpoint it, the commander seemed to be acting peculiar.

"Sure," Archer agreed. "After you let the doctor check you out."

"That's not necessary." Trip quickly said. "I'm fine, Cap'n, really."

"You look like hell, Commander." The captain stared at him.

"Well, you try eatin' pod rations and playin' solitaire for three days." Trip said.

The crew's reactions of muffled coughs and shifting eyes caused Tucker to look at each of them. Then he looked at Archer.

"What'd I say?" Trip asked.

"Commander," Phlox took over. "You've been gone for six days."

Trip felt his heart leap into his throat. He knew he had to get out of this, somehow. How could he forget the last three days, since he and that girl had... No, he couldn't think about that now.

"Did I say three?" Trip nervously laughed. "I meant six. I'm just tired."

"Sickbay, Commander." Archer said, pointing his finger toward the lift. "Sub-commander, you have the bridge." The captain turned back toward Tucker. "Let's go."

Trip turned slowly and followed Phlox to the lift, with the captain close behind.

----------

Phlox was preparing the terminal above the scan table. Archer stood next to Tucker over by one of the bio beds.

"I really feel fine, Doc." Trip said. "I just need a shower."

"Just get undressed and lie down..." Phlox started.

"Look, this is silly." Trip began to fidget, his breathing becoming forced.

Phlox watched the commander closely, as did Archer.

"Trip," Archer said, quietly. "Were you ever not in the pod?"

"Am I bein' interrogated, Cap'n?" Trip lashed out, his eyes narrow and accusing.

"No," Archer carefully said. "But you've been out of contact for six days. We just want to find out what happened and make sure you're okay."

Trip gritted his teeth and spoke with clenched jaws. "I already said I was stuck in the pod, unable to move or communicate. Are you callin' me a liar...sir?"

"Come on," Archer tried to ease. "I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to." Trip glared at him.

Phlox moved slowly towards Tucker now, careful not to do anything to cause the commander to feel threatened.

"Gentlemen," Phlox said. "Let's calm down. I just need to run a complete scan, Commander. You've had them before. Takes only a few minutes."

Tucker began to back away, bumping into a counter.

"I--I just wanna take a shower." Trip meekly stated. "And hit the sack, ya know?"

Archer's face softened, trying to ease the tension. "We can understand that. But later."

"Captain," Phlox turned to him. "There's no need to push the commander right now. If he's that adamant about it."

Archer looked to Tucker, who just stared back at him. "Trip, what'll it be?"

Trip felt he couldn't really get away with not being checked out. This was just their way of making him feel like he had a choice. He knew better. He didn't like feeling trapped like this. Not having control. Slowly, he bent down and began to remove his shoes.

"We'll be fine, Captain." Phlox assured him. "Done in about half an hour."

"I'll be on the bridge." The captain turned to leave sickbay, glancing back one last time.

----------

T'Pol worked quickly at her station. There was too little information about the researchers after two known encounters. Perhaps the shuttlepod could enlighten them, even if Commander Tucker could not. Captain Archer entered the bridge, moving to her.

"Our sensors were incapable of identifying the compounds of the cloud." T'Pol informed him. "If the pod's systems shut down, like the commander stated, then it is possible our sensors were disabled as well. That would have resulted in not detecting Mr. Tucker's life signs."

"If the systems shut down?" The captain repeated, annoyed. "If Trip said they shut down, they shut down."

"Yes, Captain." T'Pol accepted.

"But you don't buy that." Archer probed. "You don't think he just sat there for six days eating rations and losing track of the days."

"He didn't eat rations at all, sir."

The captain wheeled around to see Mayweather standing behind him. "Excuse me, Ensign?"

"I sent Ensign Mayweather to check over the pod." T'Pol said.

"The pod's stocked, Captain." Mayweather reported. "Food, water, it's all there."

"Sickbay to the bridge." Phlox's harried voice came across the com.

"Archer here. What is it Doctor?"

"Commander Tucker is uncooperative." Phlox said, breathing heavily. There was scuffling heard and Tucker's voice mumbling in the background. "You need to calm down, Commander."

"Doc," Archer pressed. "What's going on?"

A loud crash was heard over the com, which brought visions of cascading medical trays and equipment to the crew's minds.

"Captain," Phlox sighed. "Mr. Tucker has left sickbay."

----------

Jonathan Archer walked quickly down the corridor. He knew where to go. He had known Trip Tucker for nearly nine years and if anyone knew him at all, it was the captain. As he came to the commander's quarters he politely pushed the buzzer. When there was no answer he quickly overrode the lock and entered.

Inside he saw Trip's jumpsuit lying in a clump on the floor. He could hear the shower running in the bathroom, as the door stood wide open. But what else he saw before him made his blood run cold.

There, on the bed, Trip sat dripping wet and wrapped in a blanket. His eyes were fixed on the far wall, staring blankly. Jon rushed to the bed and knelt down trying to make eye contact with his friend.

"Trip, what is it?"

Trip began to rock slowly forward, then backward. Jon stared at him, trying to see if there was any recognition in the younger man's eyes. He rose and moved to the com panel.

"Archer to Phlox."

"Captain?" Phlox's com voice replied.

"He's here, in his quarters." The captain said. "He doesn't look good."

"I'm on my way, sir."

Jon turned and looked back at Trip, who still stared out and rocked slowly.

"Archer to..." Jon hesitated. Who should he call? T'Pol, Malcolm? "Archer to Lieutenant Reed."

"Yes, Captain."

"I need you outside Commander Tucker's quarters. On the double."

"Aye, sir."

Jon returned to the bedside looking down at his friend. Trip shivered.

"It was too hot," Trip's voice trembled.

"The water?" Jon asked.

"Burned..."

"Phlox is on his way." Jon told him. "Just relax."

"No," Trip shook. "Won't stop burning..."

Archer sat on the bed, trying to read the emotion on Trip's face. What did he experience these past days to cause him to act this way?

"What happened, my friend?" Jon's voice asked gently.

"I didn't want them to do it." Trip explained. "I tried to stop them...I did!"

Phlox entered now, exchanging places with the captain. Archer turned and saw Reed had followed the doctor in.

"Make sure the corridor remains clear, Malcolm." The captain instructed.

Reed nodded, not taking his eyes off of Tucker. Archer moved to the lieutenant and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Reed gathered himself and moved out the door.

"He's suffering from shock, Captain."

Archer turned back to the bed. "Is he hurt?"

"Physically?" Phlox clarified. Archer nodded. "Seriously? I'm not sure, but I was referring to shock trauma. As in the autonomic nervous system's response to a traumatic event. The human brain is so resourceful to protect the psyche from harm during a threatening situation. Yet, that can be very harmful later on, as we are seeing here."

"What do we do?"

"Get him back to sickbay," Phlox said. "And make sure he stays this time."

----------

Malcolm and Jon supported Trip on either side, guiding him into sickbay. Phlox waited by the scan table as they placed Trip on it.

"Okay," Archer turned to Reed. "Not a word, Malcolm."

"Of course, sir." Reed stared down at his friend.

"It's going to be fine." Archer told him.

Reed nodded and left sickbay. Jon turned back to the table and looked at the curled up form shivering under the blanket.

"What now?" The captain asked.

"Well," Phlox said, "This position won't do. Let's try removing the blanket and then we'll see about getting him to lie straight."

Phlox began to unwrap the blanket, but Trip's arm shot out from underneath and grabbed the doctor's wrist tightly.

"Trip!" Jon yelled, grabbing hold of the commander's arm.

Phlox raised his other hand to the captain, shaking his head. Archer reluctantly released his grip on Tucker.

"Captain," Phlox said calmly. "We need not make any sudden moves or raise our voices." He turned his attention to Trip. "Commander, let go of my arm. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to remove the blanket, so I can check you over."

Trip's eyes were glassy and fixed downward towards the floor. But, he released his hold on the doctor and his hand disappeared back under the blanket.

"That's right." Phlox praised. Slowly, Phlox again began to open the blanket. Aided by the captain, they got the blanket off of Trip's shoulders.

"Oh, dear." Phlox remarked.

Both the doctor and the captain saw the burn marks on Trip's shoulders. As they continued to lower the blanket to Trip's waist, they saw the marks covered his upper torso both chest and back.

----------

"The laser burns only penetrated a few epidermal layers." Phlox said as he reviewed the screens above the monitors. "There won't be any visible scarring, but emotional ones run deeper."

"I thought he was talking about the water," Archer said. "When I found him in his quarters, Trip said, 'It was too hot' and that he couldn't stand the burning."

"That is the way when dealing with the reptilian brain." Phlox explained. "When he could neither act on the flight or fight choices at the moment, he most likely experienced an altered state of consciousness. That dissociation behavior can be launched by the smallest unconnected event later on."

The door to the scan chamber opened and the table slid out with a groggy, but awake, Trip. He was lying on the table with a cloth draped over his crotch. The scan screens preoccupied Phlox but Jon was right by Trip's side.

"How long will the sedative last?" Archer asked, studying Tucker.

"Less than an hour. I only gave him a mild one to calm him down."

Archer noticed the doctor's preoccupation. "What is it?"

"I'm not positive." Phlox told him. "Could you talk to him. Keep his mind off of me?"

Jon moved to the head of the table and leaned down to Trip's eye level. Phlox moved to the table and nodded to the captain.

"Just a little bit longer." Jon said to Trip. "Doc says you don't have to stay here after he's done."

Trip blinked, trying to clear his head. Jon glanced over toward Phlox to see what he was doing. His eyebrows raised and he turned away as he saw Phlox remove the cloth. He looked back at Trip who began to grimace and moan.

"Doc," Archer said. "Is that necessary?"

"Keep talking, Captain, and keep him still." Phlox warned, continuing his examination.

"Easy does it." Jon said, nervously. "Relax, buddy. Doc knows what he's doing. Right, Doc?"

"No, no..." Trip moaned and pleaded.

"Please hurry it up?" Archer pleaded with Phlox.

Phlox placed the cloth back over Tucker and moved with a slide to the scope on the counter.

"It's all over." Jon told Trip. He moved to the doctor. "Was that painful?"

"No," Phlox assured the captain. "It was uncomfortable for sure, but I didn't hurt him. Just as I thought."

"What?" Archer asked.

"Mr. Tucker has recently engaged in sexual activity. But there are contusions and lacerations on his inner thighs. And there's blood in this sample." Phlox looked apologetic. "I'm going to have to do further testing."

The captain looked over at Trip, who had already curled back up in the fetal position. He looked back at Phlox.

"What are you saying?" Jon asked.

"Perhaps physical abuse was not the only abuse the commander was subjected to."

----------

Chapter 3

T'Pol, Hoshi, Travis and Malcolm stood around the situation room console. All, except T'Pol, stared at the display or elsewhere. T'Pol studied each of the bridge crew, briefly, one at a time.

Captain Archer entered, moving next to Reed as all eyes followed him. Even T'Pol's.

"There are certain specifics concerning Commander Tucker's disappearance that I can't divulge to you." Archer raised his chin as he always did when he had something unpleasant to do or say. "Suffice it to say he was abducted from the pod and held captive for six days. These researchers, scientists, whatever they call themselves, subjected him to atrocities for which he will be recovering." Archer began to pace around the table. "It's going to take some time and I know you all are concerned. But I also know I can count on each one of you to understand when I say we are going to turn around and go back to the location where the commander's shuttlepod stalled." He briskly turned to T'Pol. "You have the bridge."

Archer exited so fast T'Pol appeared stunned. As the crew dispersed, T'Pol turned to Reed.

"You have the bridge, Lieutenant."

Travis stopped and shared a look of curiosity with Malcolm as T'Pol followed on the captain's heels.

----------

Archer was moving fast down the corridor when T'Pol turned the corner and caught up with him.

"I put you in command of the bridge, Sub-commander."

"Yes, sir." T'Pol replied.

The captain stopped short and wheeled around to face her. "Then why are you here and not there?"

"Returning to the location where Commander Tucker and the pod were captured is not wise, Captain."

"I'm not in the mood to hear any of your Vulcan virtues." The captain had rolled his eyes in annoyance. "There are things I can't tell you right now. Please, just get us back there."

"The researchers have already experimented on a human." T'Pol forged on. "The Enterprise would be of no interest to them."

"Then," Archer stared down at her. "I'll have to get their attention, won't I?"

"Captain..."

"Please, T'Pol?" The captain's eyes softened some. "Trip's been hurt bad and Phlox isn't sure how long recovery will take or even how to help him through it. I can't just let them get away with this."

T'Pol regarded her commanding officer. She had come to know this man as one with compassion that tended to cloud his judgment at times. However, he was also a man of duty and honor, which could not be discounted.

"Then this move is strictly for confrontation?" T'Pol asked.

"Most likely yes."

T'Pol studied the captain for only a second and nodded. "I will be on the bridge."

----------

-----[Am I really here or is this just one of those dreams I keep having? They say in dreams you can't feel anything. I felt that... and it hurt. So, maybe I'm really here aboard the Enterprise being poked and prodded by Phlox. I can handle that, I know I can.]-----

Trip Tucker sat on a bio bed putting on his shirt when Archer entered sickbay. Phlox immediately went to the captain's side, preventing him from getting within earshot of the commander.

"How did it go?" Archer asked anxiously.

"That was definitely painful." Phlox confessed. "But he did just fine. Captain, they performed some type of procedure on him. To collect samples, I presume. Crude method to say the least. I gave him an injection in case of infection and another for the pain."

"Has he said anything?" Archer looked over at Trip.

"Not a word. No eye contact, either. I told him he's relieved of duties until he makes a complete recovery."

"So, can I get him out of here?" The captain asked.

"Yes," Phlox nodded. "Captain, he needs to feel secure right now. Familiarities will reassure his comfort zone. Try not to push him about what happened."

"I understand." The captain walked over toward Trip, with Phlox following.

"Well, if you're steady on your feet, let's get out of here." Jon half smiled at Trip. "We've got dinner in an hour and a half with the doctor and T'Pol."

Trip slid off the bed and waited for Archer to lead him out. Archer sighed and nodded to the doctor. This was going to be difficult, but the captain knew he could handle it. He had to, for Trip's sake.

----------

Porthos scampered up to greet his master, receiving a scrubbing behind the ears.

"Hey there, Porthos." Archer bent down and picked his little companion up. He realized he had entered his quarters alone and turned around to motion Trip in.

Trip shuffled in just inside the door, eye down to the floor.

"Sit down." Jon offered.

Trip sat on the bed and Jon put Porthos next to him, heading off to the bathroom.

"I'll be just a minute." Archer called back.

Porthos whimpered and lowering his head nuzzled Trip's arm. Trip reached over and gently pet the dog. Porthos began to jump and nip at the man's hand. Playfully Trip moved his hand around in circles and watched as the dog waved a paw at it.

--

Jon splashed water on his face and grabbed a towel. He sighed, wondering what he was going to tell Admiral Forrest in his next report. He had nothing to go on except the medical file from Phlox. That was something he did not want to share just yet.

The bark that came from the other room was followed by a screeching yelp. It sent a chill through Jon's body.

--

Jon raced into the room to see Porthos cowering on the bed. He looked over and saw Trip backed in a corner, trembling and holding out his hand.

"Trip? You okay?"

Jon cautiously moved to Trip and took hold of his outstretched hand.

"Oh," Jon realized upon seeing a reddening scratch along Trip's thumb. "I'm sorry. Porthos needs his nails clipped."

"I--I knew I couldn't stop them." Trip mumbled. "If I tried to resist they got angry. They hurt the others. They just kept hurting all of us."

"Who were they?" Jon asked, against his better judgment.

Trip looked up into Jon's eyes. "I don't know. I never saw 'em. Just heard a voice tellin' me I'd end up doin' what they wanted. And I did."

"What did you have to do?" Jon carefully continued his inquiry.

Trip slid down the wall, sitting with his head in his hands. Jon knelt down in front of him.

"They said they were scientists." Trip began, his voice strained. "They were doin' research on alien species. Interspecies mating."

Jon watched his friend closely. When Trip didn't want to talk, no one could make him. But when he finally opened up he needed no prompting.

"They started hurtin' the females when I wouldn't give in. I had to. I'm sorry, sir." Trip lifted his head slightly and his eyes were red and misty.

"It's okay." Jon tried to calm him. "You don't have to apologize. You didn't have a choice."

"I had a choice!" Trip yelled in anger. "I found the courage to take their laser whips. Why couldn't I stop this?" For emphasis he shoved his scratched hand in Jon's face.

"I'm not following you, Trip." Jon frowned at him.

"I finally decided to hell with every one of 'em." Trip's body started trembling. "I stopped givin' 'em what they wanted. That's when they showed up." He looked down at his injured hand. "I never saw 'em. The light was too bright, like always. But they had long, cold, sharp fingers that just kept scratchin' and clawin' and..."

Trip bent forward, drawing his knees up and burying his head. Jon crawled and sat next to him.

"I can't begin to understand what you went through." Jon sighed. "I know it had to be awful, but I'm certain you weren't at any fault. Whatever you did, I have no doubts it was necessary."

Trip looked up at him and hollered, "I should've fought back!"

"How?" Jon raised his voice a bit. "How, Trip? You said they. How many were there?"

"Three. I think." Trip shook his head, looking down again.

"And how far do you think you would've gotten?" Jon asked. "Taken out one maybe? What about the others?"

Trip suddenly rose on his knees and turned on Jon.

"I couldn't have taken any of 'em out! I couldn't move! Damn it, I froze! I just laid there and let 'em do it to me!"

Trip jumped up and ran out of the door quicker than Jon could comprehend what he had said.

----------

Trip raced up the corridor as Jon eventually rounded the corner after him. Since Trip was worn out and weak, Jon quickly caught up and cut in front of him. Trip pulled up to a stop before he slammed into his captain.

"Don't run away." Archer cautioned. "Talk to me."

"Let me go." Trip managed through gritted teeth.

"Go where?"

Trip struggled to keep control "I don't know. Away from you!"

"Why me? I just want to help you."

"Well maybe I don't want your help!" Trip yelled, tears running down his cheeks freely now.

Jon reached out with both hands and gently took hold of Trip's shoulders. Having none of that, Trip roughly shook off Jon's grip.

"What do you want to do?" Jon asked. "Take a swing at me? Will that make you feel better? 'Cuz I don't know what to do here."

"No," Trip shook his head. "I want..." Words caught in the back of his throat. What he wanted was impossible and could never be. And maybe, just maybe, him even thinking it out loud meant he was not strong enough to move on.

"What?" Archer asked softly. He knew Trip Tucker well enough to know when the younger man needed to be prodded.

"I want it all to go away." Trip finally confessed.

Jon took hold of Trip's shoulders again and this time the latter leaned forward. Placing his forehead on Jon's shoulder, Trip began to softly sob.

"Bridge to Captain Archer." T'Pol's voice came across the com.

Jon moved to the panel, with Trip still close to him.

"Archer here."

"We're being hailed, sir." T'Pol said. "Correction. Commander Tucker is being hailed."

"We're on our way." The captain replied.

Archer wrapped his arm around Tucker's shoulder, pulling him in close as they made their way down the corridor.

----------

Chapter 4

Captain Archer entered the bridge with Commander Tucker close beside him. Archer had a hand on Tucker's shoulder for moral support. Both men curiously looked at the viewscreen where everyone else's attentions were focused. An alien ship, one they had never seen before, filled the screen.

"The researchers?" The captain asked in an unnecessary hushed voice.

"No." T'Pol answered. "This species name is unknown. However, the Vulcans are aware of their existence through a brief encounter with one of their ships a long time ago. It was an audio communication only. They are an intelligent, private people. There is no knowledge of the location of their home world. Since they are isolationists, this could be tantamount with the Vulcans first contact with humans."

"How did they know about Trip?" Archer asked.

"They sent his DNA readings as a means of identification." T'Pol responded.

"Go ahead, Hoshi." The captain instructed.

In a flicker an alien male appeared on the screen. Trip's eyes grew wide as he saw the familiar shiny, greenish-blue skin and amber eyes. He was an elder by human standards.

"Greetings." The male spoke softly. "I am seeking the one who was held captive along with my daughter."

"There he is, Father." A timid voice out of view said.

Archer motioned and the screen widened to reveal the young, alien girl Tucker new well.

"They let you go, too." Trip sounded relieved. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, I am adjusting." She smiled at him. "You?"

Trip shrugged his shoulders. "It's rough."

"I wish to thank you for protecting my daughter." The alien male said. "She tells me if your captors had not terminated her had you refused them, she could not have endured. She surely would have died."

"I--I don't understand." Trip mumbled, confused.

"Our people mate for life." The father explained. "My daughter's mate was killed, shortly after their bonding, in an accident. She is so young to live so long without a mate or offspring."

"Father, let me." The girl gently took hold of the man's arm. "We sought after you because I have to inform you of a great matter that concerns you. I am with child. Your child."

Trip swayed and the captain grabbed hold of him. The bridge crew stared at each other and the commander in disbelief. Doctor Phlox slipped onto the bridge and moved to T'Pol.

"I'm so sorry." Trip muttered.

"No," The girl said. "I am pleased and honored."

"Honored?" Trip asked.

"My people would be honored to have this child amongst them, as a reminder of the stranger who cared for the well being of one of our own." The father explained.

"I'm not gettin' this." Trip waved his hands. "I jeopardized your daughter's reputation, sir."

"Easy, Trip." Archer warned.

"On the contrary." The father corrected. "There were others, captives like yourselves, that she would have been paired with. They were not so reserved and righteous, I hear. My grandson will be of noble birth."

Trip stared at the aliens on the screen with so much yearning to comprehend, that he almost forgot to breathe. He swallowed hard and fought back those damn tears and the lump in his throat.

"Son?" Trip managed.

"Yes." The girl grinned. "A male child. I need your permission to have this baby."

"I--I'll never see you again. And I'll never see the baby." Trip concluded.

"No." She agreed. "And that is why if you do not wish me to deliver this child, I will terminate it."

"What?" Tucker raised his voice, losing what little grasp he had of control.

"It would not be fair for you to grieve after the sacrifices you have already made." The father said.

"What do you want?" Trip asked the girl.

"It is not a matter of what I want." She told him.

"Just like that?" Trip started to tremble, but was not sure if it was from anger or weakness. "If I said I couldn't handle not knowin' my child; what they looked like, how they lived, or what became of them, you'd wipe them out of existence?"

"If that is your wish," she said with obvious disappointment.

"I don't know what I wish!" Trip yelled, moving down closer to the screen. "I don't know what the hell's goin' on in my head right now. And ya want me to make a decision about another being's life?"

"Trip, calm down." Archer pressed.

"No!" Trip spun around on his heels. "I won't calm down! Hell, allow me the courtesy to be pissed off!"

The captain tried to reach out to his friend, but Tucker abruptly bolted for the lift door. There was a brief pause as Archer turned to the screen with a weak, lopsided smile tugging at one corner of his mouth.

"I apologize for any offense." Archer said.

"There is no need." The alien father put an arm around his young daughter. "He has been given overwhelming news. We did not expect an immediate answer."

"Even in his present state of mind," The captain offered. "I'm sure the answer will be forthcoming within the day."

"We will remain until summoned," he acknowledged.

Archer hesitated, but did not want this moment's opportunity to pass. He decided what he needed to ask was reasonable.

"Excuse me," he began. "I was wondering what your name and people are called."

The alien father smiled, not patronizingly at all, and said. "Now I must apologize for possibly offending you, Captain. But, we prefer to remain anonymous."

"No offense taken. I understand."

The screen cut to the starry background of space, surrounding the alien craft. Archer sighed and turned to T'Pol.

"You have the bridge, Sub-commander." He moved past her and the doctor, stopping before leaving the bridge. "See you both at dinner."

"Yes, sir." T'Pol replied, as Phlox just nodded.

----------

The captain, doctor and commander sat around the table in the dining room. Tucker played with his food, while the other two tried to make small talk. The door opened and T'Pol entered and sat in her place.

"I apologize for being late, Captain," she said.

"It's all right."

"We're having lasagna tonight." Phlox informed her. "It's one of the commander's favorites."

Tucker kept his eyes on his plate and did not verify that last fact. The lasagna was barely recognizable now, having been flattened and spread out in a fork-lined mess.

"Yours is vegetarian." Archer assured her.

"We were only 40 kilometers from our destination when the aliens hailed us." T'Pol said.

"Oh," The captain responded, somewhat uneasy.

"What destination?" Tucker muttered, still concentrating on the culinary masterpiece on his plate.

"Where you and the pod were captur..." T'Pol started to say.

"Rescued." Phlox interrupted.

"Why?" The tone in Tucker's voice was curt.

"I felt that we needed to investigate further." Archer stretched the truth.

"You're lookin' for a fight with those kidnappers." Trip looked up now, eyeballing Archer. "Because ya feel sorry for me."

"What?" The captain asked.

"I couldn't fight my own battle, so ya want to do it for me." Trip said with conviction. "Isn't that what you've always done where I'm concerned?"

"Never." Archer answered the hurt in his voice apparent.

"The captain feels the researchers must answer for their actions." T'Pol interceded. "It will be difficult, however, seeking them out. Can you tell us anything useful, Commander?"

"I don't think Trip's ready to talk about it." Archer quickly responded.

"I can speak for myself." Tucker was emerging more from his protective shell.

"I know." Jon said. "I just..."

"What'd ya wanna know, T'Pol?" Trip turned to her, with a glare in his eyes. "You wanna know how they broke me? How I gave in and put on a show for those perverts?"

"I don't believe this is proper dinner conversation." Phlox finally spoke up.

Trip was on a roll and had no intention of stopping now. "See, they were studyin' interspecies’ mating and they paired me with that alien babe you saw."

Archer slammed his fork down on the table. "Settle down, Trip."

"After her, I wouldn't do it anymore." Trip's eyes were fixed on the sub-commander. "I was spent. So, ya know what they did? They took what they wanted for their alien sperm bank. They were a little rough, but I'm here. All in one piece. More or less."

"Mr. Tucker is in need of some sleep." Phlox stared at Trip. "He's been through a lot."

"You're damned right!" Tucker fired at the doctor. "And I know what she's thinkin'. I'm a weak, emotional human. Right, T'Pol?"

"That's enough! She doesn't deserve this!" Archer was fuming now.

"And I don't deserve her kind judgin' me!" Trip shouted at the captain.

There was a very long pause with T'Pol's eyes fixed on Tucker and him glaring right back at her.

"Mr. Tucker," T'Pol's controlled voice pierced the silence. "I don't believe your limited knowledge of me allows you to know my thoughts. If so, you would know that I was thinking a lesser man would've been so dysfunctional they would've been sent back to Earth and committed to an asylum."

Her words were effective in quelling the commander's present outburst. Tucker rose, slowly, leaning on the table for support.

"Maybe I should be," he muttered sounding defeated. "Like the doc said, I'm tired."

"You've hardly had anything to eat." Archer forced himself to say without letting his voice quiver with emotion.

"It's all right." Phlox said. "But he'll have to eat when he wakes up."

Trip exited without being dismissed. The captain turned to T'Pol.

"Thank you."

"I meant what I said, Captain." T'Pol assured him.

"I know you did. But let's face it. For whatever reason, what you think matters to him."

T'Pol's eyebrows raised. "I was not aware the commander cared what I thought, for any other reason except to distort it to use against me, out of context, in the future."

Archer sighed, "That too."

-----------

Engineering was business as usual. No one appeared to need their chief engineer at the moment. Trip Tucker wandered around, checking consoles, almost undetected.

"Commander," Crewman Kelly blurted out in surprise. "What are you doing here? I mean, good to see you, sir."

"Why are the environmental controls off on E deck?" Tucker harshly asked.

"It's only down by 5 degrees, sir." Kelly stammered, then unthinkingly added, "It's not critical, sir. Is it?"

"If ya have to ask that, then ya shouldn't be here!" Tucker reprimanded.

"Sir?"

"Get out of here!" Tucker yelled. "All of you!"

Crewman Kelly dropped her padd and backed away. The other crewmembers stared at them, but quickly disbursed when the commander picked up the dropped padd and threw it in their direction.

----------

"Bridge to Captain Archer." Reed's voice over the com interrupted dessert.

Archer rose and moved to the panel. "What is it, Lieutenant?"

"Crewman Kelly has reported Mr. Tucker in engineering."

"What's he doing in there?" The captain asked.

"Unknown. She was chased out along with all of the others on duty. He's not responding to the com and it's a blustery evening on E deck, sir."

"On our way."

----------

When Archer, T'Pol, Phlox and Kelly entered engineering they found Tucker sitting on the floor, legs sprawled out, with his back against a badly dented console. He held a metal bar in his hands and his eyes were fixed on the ceiling.

"Thank you, Crewman." Archer whispered. "We'll take it from here."

Kelly exited and Archer turned to Phlox. The doctor merely stared back at the captain.

"He responds to you, Captain," The doctor told him.

The captain turned and moved slowly toward the commander. He halted a few feet to the side of Trip and bent over.

"Trip."

Tucker rolled his head in Archer's direction and his eyes were hazy and his lids heavy.

"Hey, Cap'n."

"You're suppose to be asleep." Archer said.

"Can't," Trip told him. "Every time I close my eyes, it's all there. I can feel 'em, hear 'em. I hate this. That it happened, that I feel like this."

Archer knelt down as Trip shivered and closed his eyes.

"You okay?" Archer asked, concerned.

"Am I?" Tucker opened his eyes and looked over at the captain. "Okay?"

"Sure you are. Just a little out of sorts."

"My grandma used to always say things happen for a reason." Trip said, licking his dry lips. "Even bad things happen for reasons that aren't so bad. And even though we may not know what those not-so-bad reasons are at the time, they're out there. Waitin' to show up."

Archer smiled, thoughtfully. "And what do you say?"

"Ya know me." Trip shrugged his shoulders. "Tough-as-nails-Tucker. That's what ya call me. I go with the flow cuz I figure things'll work out. But ev’ry time I go over this in my head...it just seems so meaningless."

Archer ran his hands through his hair, trying to loosen up his tense body.

"I don't think that child she's carrying is meaningless."

"Oooh," Trip bit his lower lip. "I can always count on you to be that voice. But I don't know. I'm in a pretty dark place, Cap'n. It's kinda pukey here."

"You need to rest, Trip." Jon moved closer. "You're exhausted. Doc can give you something to help you get to sleep."

Reluctantly Trip nodded. "Okay."

"No more taking it out on the ship." Archer scolded.

"Sorry."

"Tell that to those freezing their butts off on E deck." Archer said.

Jon helped Trip up, taking the metal pipe from his hand and steered him to T'Pol and Phlox.

"Sorry for mouthin' off at dinner." Trip told T'Pol. "See, it wasn't you I was angry with."

"I see more than you will ever know, Mr. Tucker." T'Pol informed him.

"Bridge to Captain Archer." Reed's voice over the com again. "We're being hailed by the aliens again. It's coded as urgent, sir."

----------

Chapter 5

"Go ahead, Hoshi." The captain nodded to the ensign.

The alien male appeared on the screen, looking tired and worn.

"Captain," the father sighed. "I am, once again, apologizing. This time it is for contacting you so soon. But I have grave news. My daughter was abducted from our vessel a short time ago. A beam of light probed us and she was gone. Just like before."

Archer looked over at his crew, but Reed, Mayweather and Sato all gave negative responses.

"I'm sorry." The captain said. "As you know, our technology is no where near yours, let alone theirs. Our sensors did not detect anything."

"Your man is safe?" The alien inquired.

"Yes."

"I will contact you when we have further information." The father promised. "I will leave the decision to tell the unborn child's father of this event to you, Captain."

"I'll await your next contact." Archer nodded.

"There was nothing except the ship on sensors and on the view screen, sir." Reed assured his captain.

Archer stared up at the screen. "At least we know they're still around here."

----------

Tucker sat on his bed, as Phlox prepared a hypospray. T'Pol stood by the door, watching with her usual stoic expression.

"Depriving yourself of sleep will not do anyone any good, Commander. Least of all yourself." Phlox scolded his patient.

"I know, Doc." Trip rubbed his face with both hands. "It's been a long night."

The doctor placed the hypospray to Tucker's neck and administered the sedative. Immediately, Trip jumped up from the bed and backed away while grabbing his neck. He stared at Phlox, breathing heavily and looking confused.

"You're all right." Phlox consoled the young man. "It was just a hypospray."

"Doctor, what is it?" T'Pol asked.

"A transference episode." The doctor informed her. "The hypospray must have triggered a sensation from his captivity."

"Is he a danger to himself or us?"

"No." Phlox shook his head, still never taking his eyes off of Tucker. "Not in the physical sense, anyway. But mentally the distress is very great."

"Yes," T'Pol agreed. "I have noticed the captain is visibly stressed by this as well."

As if on cue Archer entered the room and quickly reviewed the scene. Trip was backed against the wall, holding his neck.

"What happened?" The captain demanded to know.

"He didn't react very well to the hypospray." Phlox explained with a shrug. "He needs to be put to bed. But he shouldn't be left alone. And you, Captain, look like you're in need of a good night's sleep yourself."

"I'll take him back to my quarters." The captain decided. "T'Pol, Lieutenant Reed will brief you on the latest from the aliens."

T'Pol turned and left, knowing a dismissal when she heard one.

"The alien girl was abducted from her ship by a beam of light." The captain told Phlox.

"Do you think he's in any danger as well?"

"I don't know." Archer shook his head.

----------

-----[Why is this happenin' to me? I'm either angry, scared, drugged. I just wanna sleep, but I can't do that. Those creeps even took away my only escape from 'em. Jonathan. He's always there. This isn't right. He shouldn't be doin' this. Haulin' me off to bed, in his quarters. I need to keep awake so he doesn't have to carry all the weight. But then, he always has when it's the two of us.]-----

Jon guided Trip to the bed and the younger man climbed in. Jon covered him up and sat down on the bed next to him.

"Don't fight it, Trip. Just relax."

"What if I am that man?" Trip lazily asked.

"What?"

"That lesser man T'Pol was talkin' 'bout," Trip slurred. "That's why I had to try and fix the environmental controls in engineering."

"Taking a pipe to it was a bit unorthodox." Jon tried to soothe his friend.

"I know," Trip muttered as his eyelids grew heavier. "I couldn't think clearly. I just got mad. But I went down there, cuz what if I weren't here later? I needed to make sure everythin' was okay."

"You're not going anywhere." Jon assured him.

"What if the Doc won't clear me for duty? They'll make you send me home."

"No one's going to make me lose the best damn engineer in Starfleet." Jon said with conviction. "You're meant to be here with me. We're meant to be on this maiden voyage together. We're a team."

"When they were workin' on me." Trip sleepily continued. "I kept thinkin' 'bout you."

"Me?"

"I thought, you saved my life four years ago for what? So I could be dissected out here in space?"

"That's what you thought?" Jon asked sympathetically. "They were doing some sort of autopsy?"

"Guess they decided to take what they were really after." Trip's eyes started to close. "It wasn't the mating...they're crossbreedin' bastards."

Trip turned over on his side and drifted off. Crossbreeding? Maybe he was right, Archer thought. It wasn't the mating techniques they were interested in at all. Jon picked up Porthos and put him on the bed.

"Keep him company, Porthos."

The captain lowered the lights and rushed out of his quarters.

----------

Jonathan Archer bounded onto the bridge.

"Captain," T'Pol turned, rising from the command chair. "I thought you were going to get some sleep."

"So did I." He moved to her. "T'Pol, those researchers weren't doing experiments with interspecies mating, but interspecies breeding."

T'Pol raised her brow as she mulled that over. "Then the abduction of the girl was inevitable. It is the embryo they want."

"And she may not be returned, unless..."

"Captain, if she is not to be returned, then so be it. There is no way to rescue her. This ship and its crew, even if the researchers were visible, are incapable of dealing with them."

"She's carrying Trip's child." Archer stressed to the Vulcan. "If he could, he'd try to get her back to her people. Since he's in no condition, I have to try for him. I know, it's illogical and emotional."

"Gallant." T'Pol responded.

"In the morning, if we haven't heard anything," Archer informed her. "I'm taking a pod out."

"I will not attempt to tell you my thoughts on that plan, since you've made it clear your intentions."

"Thank you for your restraint." Archer smiled at her.

Suddenly a very bright light flashed on the view screen and shot directly out of it onto the bridge. The crew squinted and raised their arms to shield their eyes. T'Pol rushed to her station.

"What is that?" The captain demanded to know.

"Unconfirmed." T'Pol responded as the light moved off and disappeared from the bridge. "It appears to be centering its beam..."

"Where?" Archer asked, nervously.

"In the vicinity of your quarters, Captain."

"Trip!" Archer screamed as he ran toward the lift. "Contact the alien father and let them know what's happening."

----------

-----[Not again. I can't move and I know I'm not dreamin'. I see the light and I can't move. But I'm in Jon's quarters. Not that other place where they hurt the others and me. What do they want?]-----

Jon burst into his quarters to find Porthos standing his ground, in the middle of the room, and barking up at the glaring light. Archer picked Porthos up and stood beside the bed looking at Trip. Anger rising, he turned to the light coming out of the ceiling.

"Leave him alone!"

"Why did you come back?" The alien voice inquired. "We returned him."

"Because I wanted you to know what you did is not acceptable to us." The captain clenched his jaws.

"We did what was needed to further our research."

"What gives you the right to go around plucking people from their space crafts and using them as test subjects?"

"We do so, because we can." The voice stated quite frankly. "We did not harm him permanently."

"Not physically." Jon said, looking back at his friend. "But you hurt him inside. In his soul."

"This is permanent?"

"I don't think so." Jon looked back at the light. "But it could've been."

"Do you wish to return him to us?"

"No. I mean, he's not mine to give." Archer sighed. "We have free will. He's here because he wants to be."

"Yet, we learned that he answers to you for his actions and he takes commands."

Archer let Porthos down feeling it was safe to do so. He reached out to try and touch Trip, but the light was a type of force field.

"That's because he wants to. He joined this expedition with the understanding that's what is expected of him." Jon turned back to the light. "What are you doing to him?"

"He is immobile, so he does not hurt himself." The alien voice stated, adding, "He can be rather hasty when agitated."

"It's not hurting him?" Jon asked.

"No."

"Like I can believe that." Archer said with sarcasm.

"We do not cause pain for the sake of inflicting it on others. If that is what happens as we conduct tests for our research, then it is unfortunate. But it is necessary."

"Did you do that to him when you...took your samples?"

"Yes." The alien voice confirmed.

"What are you doing to the girl?" Jon asked the voice.

"Clarify."

"The one you had him mate with. You took her."

"Their mating was successful. Conception in captivity is rare."

"You didn't answer my question." Archer was getting impatient.

"We learned a great deal from your male. But there are still many unknowns about your species. Interbreeding could prove hazardous."

"Clarify." Jon threw the alien's own words at it.

"We have destroyed those samples from this one. We will not use them in our further research."

A sense of urgency was building in Archer. He was not getting the answer he wanted.

"What about the girl?"

"We have returned the female to her people."

Just as suddenly as it appeared, the light was gone. Jon rushed to the com panel.

"Archer to the bridge."

"Our sensors did not detect or register where the light came from. Only that it was here." T'Pol's voice informed the captain.

"What about the girl?" Archer pleaded. "They said they returned the girl."

There was a slight pause. Archer felt more uneasy about the silence because it was the unemotional T'Pol on the other end of the com link.

"Yes, Captain, they did." T'Pol sounded more detached, even for a Vulcan coming across a com. "But...they aborted the pregnancy."

----------

Chapter 6

"Our doctor is examining Commander Tucker as we speak." T'Pol was addressing the alien father on the view screen.

"My daughter is anxious to return home." The weary father explained. "But she needs to know he is well. We will await your communiqué."

"You will be contacted as soon as the captain has returned to the bridge." T'Pol said.

There was a short span of silence as Reed cleared his throat to get the sub-commander's attention. When T'Pol looked over at the lieutenant, he motioned to her for permission to speak. She was clearly uncertain as to why he wanted to speak, but she nodded approval.

"Sir," Reed spoke to the alien. "Please tell your daughter that we all wish her well."

There was a small smile from the father. "Thank you."

When the alien disappeared from the screen, T'Pol turned to Reed. "I thank you, as well, Lieutenant."

----------
Phlox rose from the bed carefully, so as not to jostle the sleeping Tucker. Archer stood nearby, folding Trip's uniform and placing it on a shelf.

"The remainder of the sedative will give him a few more hours of much needed sleep." Phlox closed his bag, as he moved next to the captain.

"But he is fine?" Archer asked, unsure. "They didn't hurt him anymore?"

"No, not physically." Phlox told him. "But he was traumatized again by their contact, no doubt. Time will tell what setback it causes, if any."

The captain bent down to pick up Porthos, holding the dog close against his chest. Whether it was more for his comfort or the pooches left room for debate. He buried his nose in his furry friend's head and kissed it. The dog whimpered and licked his master's face.

"I was hoping Trip would come to see that unborn child as the meaning to all of this." Archer looked at the doctor with saddened eyes. "Now that meaning is gone."

Phlox sighed, wrinkling nose in thought.

"Perhaps his first contact with this species, and their impression of humans because of him, could be meaning enough."

"Thanks, Doc." Archer put Porthos down and moved to the door. "I'll go contact the father of the girl and then I'll be right back."

"I'll be here." Phlox assured the captain.

----------

"The researchers only wanted to know why we returned." Archer was explaining to the senior bridge crew in the situation room.

"Contact initiated by another would be unknown to them." T'Pol reinforced.

"Well, if that was also tantamount, we blew it." The captain said, moving off toward his command chair as the others followed. "Since they felt humans are hazardous, they destroyed the samples they took from Trip."

"And the child as well." Malcolm added as he returned to his station along with the others.

"But he is okay, sir?" Travis asked.

"Yes, Travis." Archer smiled at the ensign. "He wasn't hurt physically. Well, Hoshi, hail them."

There was a thoughtful moment for all while Hoshi waited for the response. Archer wondered how he was going to tell Trip of the baby and how his friend would take it. There wasn't much he didn't know about Charles Tucker III, but he had never known Trip in this much pain. People change forever from things like this. He couldn't let that happen to Trip. He wouldn't.

"I have them, sir." Hoshi broke the captain's thoughts.

The tired alien father appeared on the screen. He nodded to the captain.

"Commander Tucker is unharmed." The captain began, "I wish that were the case with your daughter."

"She is strong and she will mend with the support of our people." The father said. "I believe in time your man will also, given your affections. Your people told me that the child was destroyed because the researchers felt your species perilous."

"Yes." Archer shifted uncomfortably in his command chair. "I don't know what else to say, except I am very sorry."

"For the loss of my grandson only?" The alien asked.

"I don't understand." Archer stated confusion on his brow.

"Do not apologize for what others' opinions of your people are, Captain." The father said. "Do you believe your people are precarious?"

"No." The captain quickly replied.

"Then condolences for the loss of my grandson are excepted. Apologies are not."

A smile came across the captain's face as he realized the alien was releasing them of any fault. "Understood." Archer nodded. "Will you be going home now?"

"Yes. My daughter is not capable of bidding your man farewell. She asked me to give him a message from her."

"He's not capable either right now."

"Then I will entrust you with the words to convey for her, Captain."

"If you'll give me a moment to reach privacy?" Archer asked. The alien nodded and the captain turned to Hoshi. "My ready room."

----------

His eyes fluttered open for a brief second and then closed again. He turned over on his side and took a deep breath. Jon hoped Trip had slept well last night even though he, himself, had not. He had tossed and turned all night. It was not that the cot was that uncomfortable, but he was playing these next moments over and over in his head. He knew there was no way to predict what was going to happen, or even what words were really going to be said.

Trip opened his eyes and looked around the room, his eyes resting on Jon sitting in a chair watching him.

"Morning." Jon greeted him.

Trip turned over on his back, looking over at the ceiling where the light had shone through.

"Did I dream it?" Trip asked, even though he was sure he had not.

"No."

"I thought I was back there when the light came." Trip sighed, turning back on his side. "I couldn't move."

"Trip, they paralyzed you last night." Jon explained to him. "Just like they did before, when you thought you froze from fear."

Trip regarded his friend, his captain and wondered if the man wasn't just trying to give him a snow job. It was possible, but then again anything was now.

"You sure?" Trip asked.

"Yes. But even if you had frozen, you were up against superior intelligence and power. It would've been no testimony of your character if you had. What happened was done to you and not because of you."

"Except the girl." Trip gathered the blankets up close to his chin. "I did that."

"Because they were using her to get you to cooperate."

"You really believe that?"

"Yes, I do. And so should you."

"Part of me does, I think." Trip relented.

Jon let Trip think about this for a moment. Only a moment, though, because he knew what he had to do and he needed to do it now.

"They destroyed the samples they took from you." Jon finally told his friend. "They felt humans were too risky to interbreed."

"So?" Trip sarcastically shrugged off. "Is that suppose to make me feel better or somethin'?"

Jon just stared at him, saying nothing. Trip didn't like the look on Jon's face, it was the 'I've-got-some-bad-news' face.

"What else?" Trip pressed Jon.

"Before, while you were sleeping..." Jon leaned forward, resting his forearms on his legs and clasping his hands together. "Trip, they took the girl again. She's back with her father now and she's not hurt. But, the researchers..." He was struggling.

"Jonny?" Trip's voice cracked.

"They terminated the pregnancy." There, Jon thought, it's done. He had just hurt the man that he would give his life to save.

Trip bit his lower lip and threw the covers off. He got up and retrieved his uniform, starting to dress.

"So, I was right." Trip said. "It was all meaningless."

"Trip, you made an impression on a pretty stuck up race even by the Vulcans' standards." Jon told him. "They were willing to raise your son as some kind of messiah. Is that meaningless?"

"How the hell should I know?" Trip hollered. "Am I suppose to feel good about some part of this whole painful experience? Physically and emotionally I was raped by alien perverts and then I turned around and did the same to that girl."

"No you didn't!" Jon angrily shot back. "Don't talk like that."

"Didn't I?" Trip stopped trying to dress and just sat back down on the bed. "Physically, to stop them from hurting her...us, maybe. Then emotionally, by giving her hope in the form of a child and having it taken away because of me! Who I am, what I am."

"It's not like that." Jon corrected the younger man. "Trip, her father said she wanted you to know that even with the pain, she would've gone through it all over again for the time she spent with you."

Trip shook his head and started to laugh, a wicked laugh. "Well, at least it's nice to know I'm good for somethin', isn't it?"

"Knock it off." Jon was not about to let Trip fall deeper down into the hole he was digging for himself. "On the bridge you said I should allow you the courtesy of being... 'pissed off', I think is how you put it. Fine, I have. But why the hell can't you allow yourself the decency to be pained by any of this?"

Trip stared down at the floor, his forehead pressed against the palms of his hands. He cleared his throat. "Because, it hurts too damn much," was the strangled response.

"I know." Jon said, gently, as he moved to sit on the bed beside Trip.

Jon now produced a padd and tapped Trip's arm with it. The younger man moved his hands and slowly lifted his head enough to see the padd. He took it, looking at it with some confusion.

"She also wanted you to have this." Jon explained. "Their gestation period is only 3 months. This was the scan from the medical examination done aboard her ship when she was returned the first time."

Trip's face softened as he realized what he was looking at. There was a three-dimensional form lying curled up in a sea of waves and ripples. There he was, a whole being with tiny little fingers and toes. The overwhelming sight was too much to take and Trip fell back on the bed, covering his eyes with his arms. He cried like he had never cried before, with sobs that jerked his whole body. Charles Tucker the fourth was never going to be flesh and blood. Even if he were to have a son in the future, he would always think of this one as 'the fourth'.

As Trip let go of the harnessed emotions, Jon stared at the far wall. Porthos jumped into Jon's lap and cowered. He held onto the dog with one hand and with the other gently rested it on Trip's knee.

----------

Since it had been three days since the last contact with the aliens and researchers, Doctor Phlox believed Commander Tucker was ready for duty on limited hours. Captain Archer's report to Admiral Forrest had been thorough and the admiral had agreed that the commander was tough and committed. Starfleet would allow Tucker to remain on board Enterprise and continue his recovery.

Trip dried himself off having just stepped out of the shower. The chime from his door sounded and he wrapped the towel around his waist.

"Come in." Trip called out from the bathroom doorway.

The door slid open and T'Pol entered. Trip came out of the bathroom and stopped short at the sight of the sub-commander.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Trip apologized, embarrassed. "I thought you were the cap'n."

Seemingly unaffected, T'Pol held out a padd to the commander.

"I brought you the latest engineering check list." T'Pol offered.

Trip moved and took the padd, glancing at it. He looked up and saw T'Pol eyeing the fading burn marks on his upper body.

"Those weren't so bad." Trip told her. "I mean, it hurt like hell, but I could've kept resisting. It wasn't until they started zappin' the girl and usin' her against me that I got messed up."

"You prevented her from being hurt further." T'Pol said. "How did that 'mess you up'?"

"I started thinkin' that I was no better than they were." Trip explained. "What they did to me was humiliatin'. I was some kind of stud to them. But her..."

"You have doubts about your motives for mating?" T'Pol asked bluntly.

"Don't you?" Trip accusingly asked back.

"No." T'Pol answered. "You have many faults, but superficial is not one of them."

"Thanks." Trip frowned at her. "I think."

"In your anger, at dinner the other evening, you attempted to acquaint your own doubts about yourself as that of my own."

"Yeah," Trip nervously scratched his head. "That was uncalled for and I apologize. I was angry with myself for what I did. Still am."

"It was not uncalled for." T'Pol assured the commander. "I have, on several occasions, insinuated that I find your personal character questionable. I believe, at times, you are carefree and reckless, but never deceitful or cruel. You made a choice to act as you did when in captivity. You had no thoughts for future consequences. That was an act of desperation, not self-preservation."

Trip moved off to his bed and sat down. T'Pol never ceased to amaze him. Just when he thought he had her all figured out, she goes and says something like this.

"I think when I gave in, with her, I needed to feel I was in control." Trip confessed. "But she was so small and helpless."

"You were violated." T'Pol reminded him. "Your doubts are understandable."

"They took some samples from me." Trip tried to shrug off what was done to him. "That's all. And, yeah, it made me feel..."

"Small and helpless." T'Pol waited for a response. When one was not forthcoming she proceeded. "She has fond memories of you, Commander."

"Yeah? She lost a child."

"Your angst is not as a result of what was done to you." T'Pol finally began to understand. "But rather what you feel you did to another."

Trip looked up at her now, with a sheepish look.

"Pretty stupid, huh?"

"Human." T'Pol countered. "The similarities, at times, are quite uncanny."

Trip had to laugh now. It was a big one, short, but hardy.

"For once," Trip smiled at her. "I agree with you."

"Is it possible that your doubts are the result of feelings of inadequacy, because you were traumatized by this incident?" T'Pol questioned, out of pure interest.

"Kinda knocked the wind out of my sails about this glorious adventure of exploration." Trip admitted.

T'Pol turned to leave, but stopped as she saw the padd with the image of the embryo. She picked up the padd and turned to the commander.

"You will not be returning to limited duty for two more days." T'Pol said. "When I am off of my shift today, we could take this scan to sickbay and have the data analyzed to project various images at certain stages of development."

Trip was stunned by her offer, but unsure how he felt about it.

"That'd be kinda morbid, wouldn't it?" He asked her.

"It was callous of me." T'Pol retracted. "No disrespect was intended."

"No, no." Trip rose and moved to her. "I didn't mean it like that. Thanks for the thought. But I think I'll just keep this."

T'Pol handed the padd to Tucker. "As you wish. I will see you for breakfast with the captain?"

"Yeah."

T'Pol turned and reached the door.

"T'Pol," Trip stopped her. "Thanks for bringin' the check list. And for the chat." He looked down at the padd and then back up at T'Pol. "Right now, I'm just not sure where I'm goin'."

T'Pol regarded the man she had come to know to be 'sure of himself', as the humans put it. But since he was human, self-doubt was always a possibility. She just never thought this one was vulnerable in that way.

"As Captain Archer says," T'Pol quoted, "Just make it straight and steady."

THE END

Back to Fan Fiction Main Menu

Have a comment to make about this story? Do so in the Trip Fan Fiction forum at the HoTBBS!

Seven people have made comments

I have always enjoyed all of your stories and it was a pleasure to see your name come up here. I have read this before (once or twice or four times but whose counting) and I have enjoyed reading it again. I hope to see more of your work, old and new, here.

This was one of the first pieces of fan fiction I read and it pretty much got me addicted into reading more. It also made me into a huge fan of your work. Please post more.

I have read this many times before as I enjoyed it so much. You are a wonderful writer and I hope to see lots more of your stories. Thank you.

I too have read this before, but it was nice to read it again. Very powerful! You write the Archer and Trip friendship like no other. Thank you!

well i'll b the odd one out, ive never read this b4,

but WOW that woz amazing, well written and structured. ure gr8 author plz post more to HOT :D

Excellent story. I love the way you show the friendship between Archer and Tucker. I hope to see more of your work.

I really enjoyed this extremely well-written and engrossing story. You handled difficult subject matter deftly and tastefully. The way you portrayed the friendship between Trip and Archer was excellent, and there was not a single wrong note in this story, which is quite a feat. Having read many "Star Trek: Enterprise" fanfics (on fanfiction.net) over the past several months, I can honestly say "Trauma" is one of the best I've ever had the pleasure of reading. I hope to see more of your writing on this site or perhaps elsewhere in the near future. Thanks eversomuch for sharing.