No More, No Less - Chapter 9

When All Is Said And Done

sequel to "Breakthrough"

by Setcheti

Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Paramount owns them. They don’t deserve them, but they own them just the same, more’s the pity.

Author’s Note: #9 of No More No Less – and the end of the series! Much thanks to everyone who’s sent feedback while I was working my way through this beast of a bunny, it was much appreciated. :)

*****

Captain Jonathan Archer stood alone in the milling crowd, watching his people but not really a part of their homecoming celebration. The sad tinge to his small smile said he’d accepted the isolation – which he certainly should have by now, since he’d had so much time on board Enterprise to get used to it.

They were home now, though. But he supposed that really didn’t make any difference in the way his crew felt about him. He’d done his best in that area and gotten most of their loyalty back…but only part of their trust. Broken trust, he reflected, didn’t mend very easily. If it mended at all.

A loud cheer from the Denobulan contingent made him smile, even more sadly. Every once in a while he’d catch a glimpse of Trip in that happy throng, T’Pol close by his side if not right under his arm, the engineer shyly exchanging hugs with the huge new family Phlox had brought him into. Anyone else would probably have been overwhelmed, but as the doctor had once said Trip’s human family was similar to a Denobulan one in many ways.

Except, of course, that the Denobulan family was here and the Tucker clan was not. That had really surprised Archer; he’d thought that Trip’s parents would have realized their mistake while Enterprise was in the Expanse and been ready to fix it the moment their oldest son was back home. But so far as he knew they hadn’t even sent Trip a letter since the ship had gotten back into communications range. He would have known if they had, since he’d started keeping an eye on the mail to see who was getting messages from their families and who wasn’t. It had been too late to do that for Trip and have it make a difference, of course. Thank god for Phlox.

Archer had been impressed before by Phlox the doctor, but that was nothing compared to watching Phlox the father in action. He was protective without smothering, nurturing without being intrusive, and comfortingly authoritative without diminishing his son’s independence. Trip had blossomed like a hothouse flower under his paternal attention, and Phlox himself had been content in a way Archer had never seen him – he’d been lonely, the captain had eventually realized, and had kicked himself for never considering it before. Just because Denobulans weren’t comfortable with casual touching the way humans were didn’t mean they weren’t physically affectionate with family. Archer didn’t think he’d seen Phlox in the same room with Trip without the doctor managing to touch his son somehow since…well, since Sim.

But of course, no one knew about Sim. No one who was going to say anything, anyway. And one of the Expanse anomaly waves had damaged the computers and wiped out those files, so Starfleet had no idea. Archer suspected the anomaly may have had a little help, but he wasn’t going to say anything about that either. It was better that he didn’t know for sure, and he was pretty certain Malcolm Reed wasn’t going to tell him even if he asked so it was a moot point anyway.

Malcolm was over there with the Denobulans too, surrounded by young women – all new relatives of Trip’s, apparently – who seemed content to share the armory officer amongst themselves and were most likely sizing him up as potential husband material. Malcolm didn’t look like he minded, or like he was in a hurry for the attention to end. Hoshi had been there for a time as well, but she’d left a little while ago with her parents after trading heartfelt hugs with Trip and Phlox and, surprisingly, T’Pol.

T’Pol. Archer still couldn’t believe he’d misread that situation so badly. And he couldn’t believe the difference being bonded to Trip had made in the young Vulcan – and she was young for a Vulcan, quite young. She was more open now, even friendly, and she smiled at Trip on a regular basis whether anyone was watching or not. She hadn’t warmed up with Archer, but he really couldn’t blame her for that; he had almost destroyed her bond-mate a couple of times over, he didn’t expect forgiveness from that quarter.

Archer sighed silently, seeing Trip steal a kiss from T’Pol while Phlox watched indulgently and Malcolm and his…companions, three of them, teased the loving couple. There were a lot of quarters he wasn’t going to get absolution from, and although he’d come to terms with that it still ached a little from time to time. They’d all started out the mission as friends, and he’d worked pretty hard to draw the stragglers like Malcolm into the fold before it had all gone to hell. Before he’d blown it all to hell, rather. Even finding and neutralizing the Xindi who had been threatening Earth hadn’t been able to rebuild any of that bridge, not even negotiating a peace treaty with the main Xindi government had. And the Xindi ambassador they’d brought back with them hadn’t known how much it hurt Archer to be complimented on the ‘professional distance’ he maintained between himself and his command staff.

God, what Archer wouldn’t have given for a little unprofessional fraternization on that long ride home. That long, lonely ride home.

Movement caught his eye, hesitant, furtive movement that switched on battle-reflexes he’d earned in the Expanse, and Archer turned just enough to face the potential threat…and then relaxed when he saw who it was. They had reason to be hesitant, he knew; no telling what sort of reception they were expecting to get. He waited until they were close enough to hear him without him having to raise his voice. “Mr. and Mrs. Tucker.”

They looked old, and Trip’s mother looked like she’d been crying – not just recently, but for a long, long time. Trip’s father’s face was lined and tense, and there was fear in his eyes. “Jonathan, they said he’d made it back. We thought…”

“We thought he’d be with you,” Trip’s mother finished. “He didn’t…” her voice cracked, shook, “he didn’t…leave when he saw us coming, did he?”

“You know he wouldn’t do that,” Archer reassured her, keeping his own face and voice steady with an effort that hurt. They’d come looking for him hoping that his presence would buffer their reunion with their son; they knew what they’d done, were past expecting consideration, but a shred of hope still remained. “I was kind of surprised that you weren’t here earlier,” he admitted, wishing he wasn’t going to have to trample that hope any minute now. “I’m sure Trip would have been happy to see you.”

They were desperate to believe that, he saw. “We were…we hadn’t heard from him,” Trip’s father hedged. “We weren’t sure whether he’d talk to us after what…after what happened. We didn’t know if he’d want us here or not.”

“Is he all right?” the words spilled out of Trip’s mother in a rush of need and escaping tears. “I knew you’d be there for him, Jonathan, I know you wouldn’t have let him be alone even though we…” she choked up, reaching out to grasp Archer’s sleeve with desperate, trembling fingers. “Please, just tell me he’s all right, even if he won’t see us, just tell me you were able to get him through what happened to Lizzie and the way we hurt him afterward.”

Archer felt something inside of him freeze painfully, so cold he thought he should have heard cracking when he slowly, shamefully shook his head. “Mrs. Tucker, I wish I could.” He let his fingers slide over hers but didn’t clasp them, he didn’t dare. The Tuckers had been kind to him in the past, had welcomed him into their warm family circle because he was their son’s best friend; they’d trusted him with Trip, trusted him to take care of their beloved oldest boy. It wasn’t only his friend he’d betrayed all those months ago, and Archer saw the exact moment Trip’s parents realized the mistake they’d made as the meaning of his words sunk in. “I…I don’t know what to tell you. So much happened, even before the Xindi came, and then after…” He forced himself to meet the older woman’s widening, horrified eyes. “I didn’t know.”

He wasn’t surprised when she pulled her hand away from his as though his touch burned her, wasn’t shocked by the sudden hostility that dawned in Trip’s father’s far-too-familiar blue eyes. “You didn’t know,” the elder Tucker repeated slowly. “Since before all this happened…”

“I’m sorry,” Archer said – because he was, not because he thought the apology would count for anything. He already knew it didn’t. “He didn’t tell anybody, not until…” until he died and I did some things that will haunt me for the rest of my life “…until a lot later.”

“So no one knew.” The older man was saddened and disgusted, but anger was pushing some of his earlier despair aside. “No one cared.”

“On the contrary, some of us cared very much.” Phlox’ voice intruded smoothly into Archer’s guilty silence and made him jump, but the doctor ignored him. “Mr. and Mrs. Tucker, it is a pleasure to finally meet you,” he greeted the two startled parents with a gentle smile, inserting himself between them and his former captain and gesturing toward the happy throng of Denobulans. “Charles is over there, do you see him? He was most distressed when you did not arrive earlier, but we’ve been doing our best to distract him. Now come, you must meet the rest of the family – you are part of it now, after all! And you have acquired a daughter-in-law along the way as well…”

He herded them away from Archer without so much as glancing at him, although Trip’s mother did spare him one last accusing look over her husband’s shoulder as they left. Archer watched Phlox cut through the crowd – which obligingly parted for him – and take them directly to Trip, who after a few seconds of white-faced stammering shock apparently managed to make himself accept that they were there and the hugging started all over again. Archer’s estimation of Phlox the father went up again, knowing he’d had to have been working for some time to cultivate the forgiveness he could see in Trip’s face right now. It wouldn’t have been easy, or quick, but it had obviously paid off and Phlox looked proud enough to burst. The doctor got a hug too, a thank you if Archer had ever seen one, and then Trip was introducing T’Pol to his human parents and the Denobulans closed in around them again. Forgiveness was a beautiful thing.

A beautiful thing you just didn’t appreciate until you couldn’t have it any more. Until you didn’t deserve it any more.

Jonathan Archer had made some hard decisions about his life after the Xindi problem had been dealt with – he’d had a lot of time on the way back home to think, maybe even too much time. What had happened, horrible as it all had been and as many people as it had hurt, had done some good; it had made him look at himself, really look at himself. And what he’d seen was a man who really shouldn’t be in command of a starship, at least not one that went outside the Sol system and into uncharted territory. Sure he hadn’t known what he was getting into – and Starfleet hadn’t realized what they were sending him into – when he’d worked so hard to become captain of the ship running his father’s engine, but he also hadn’t risen to the challenge the way he knew he should have either.

Starfleet hadn’t agreed with him at first. When he’d talked to Forrest a week ago about being permanently reassigned Earthside, the admiral had told him not to be hasty; the second time he brought it up, right before the ceremony, Forrest had said they’d complete the paperwork for his promotion some time later that day. He’d looked sort of shell-shocked at the time, and Archer could only guess that he’d just heard from the Denobulans and didn’t know quite what he should think about it.

To be honest, Archer himself wasn’t sure what to think about that part of it either. Ever since their…confrontation in the corridor outside Sickbay, Phlox had been completely professional with him and Archer had thought the matter between them was settled. He’d complied with the Denobulan’s demands and then some, and even though he’d known it wouldn’t earn him absolution Archer had thought it was enough to have put them on an even keel. But Phlox had approached him right before they left the ship for the last time, had backed him against the wall again as a matter of fact, much to the captain’s surprise. He’d leaned forward into Archer’s personal space, his voice dropping so low it was almost a snarl. “As athel va-aramin to Charles Tucker, I swear that I will never forgive you for what you have done to him and neither will our family.” And then he’d simply spun on his heel and walked away without another word.

The words had had the distinct ring of ritual to them, and Archer had gotten a bad feeling that a line had been crossed he hadn’t wanted to see the other side of. His worry had been confirmed when he’d seen the look on Hoshi’s face. “Ensign Sato, what was that all about?”

Her eyes had been wide and shocked, and for a moment he’d thought she wasn’t going to answer him; she was looking around like she wasn’t sure she should answer him if someone was around to hear her, but finally she opened her mouth and in a voice not much louder than a whisper told him, “It means…that was a formal statement of shunning, sir. He must have been communicating with his family council ever since we got within range or he couldn’t have…it means they all agree that you’ve irreparably wronged the family, so they’ll no longer acknowledge your existence.” And then she’d taken off too, after one last, horrified look, leaving Archer standing there by himself wondering just how much reach Phlox’ family had.

Enough to cut straight through Starfleet’s diplomatic red tape to reach Admiral Forrest on short notice, apparently. Enough to convince the admiral that letting him bench himself was a good decision – a decision Archer had a feeling might not have been his to make if he hadn’t gotten there before the Denobulans did. He’d been afraid the Vulcans might have had something to say about it too, but they’d been conspicuous by their absence since Enterprise had gotten back.

Not that Archer thought that was necessarily a bad thing; he’d been half expecting to have to fight them off to keep them from swooping in and taking T’Pol, so he’d been relieved not to see a single Vulcan ship all the way back home. He’d gotten the impression T’Pol had been relieved too, and he knew Trip had been. It had probably never been far from the engineer’s mind that the Vulcans might snatch his bond-mate away from him, and he wouldn’t have expected Starfleet – or his captain – to intervene. Archer would have, of course. He’d gone against the Vulcans before where T’Pol was concerned.

But that had been before. He’d done plenty of things before that no one would expect from him now. Especially not Trip.

Forrest appeared out of the crowd and came to stand beside him. “Jonathan.”

Archer shook off his introspection. “Admiral.” He dredged up a smile that was at least partially real. “We did it.”

“Yes, you did.” The admiral smiled back, faintly. “No one expected you to come back with a treaty.”

“I’d guess no one expected us to come back at all.” Archer knew they hadn’t, especially the Vulcans. “But at least we proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the exploration program wasn’t the reason they attacked us.”

“You did that too,” Forrest agreed. He followed Archer’s gaze back to the Denobulans. “They won’t tell us what happened, you know. And you really shouldn’t be standing here staring at them.”

Archer shrugged. “It doesn’t matter – I’m shunned, I don’t exist for them.” He caught Forrest’s look out of the corner of his eye and sighed. “I can’t tell you either, Admiral. But I deserved it, don’t think I didn’t.”

Forrest nodded slowly. “Tucker resigned his commission, you know. And the Denobulan ambassador was very insistent that Starfleet leave him strictly alone. She said we’d done enough already.”

“We did.” This time Archer looked up at him. “He’s going to work in their engineering lab, isn’t he?”

“So is his wife.” Forrest made a face. “You could have warned me about that one, you know. Hell of a surprise to have dumped in my lap, especially with Soval standing right there looking like he’d just sucked a lemon.”

“He always looks like that,” Archer said, rolling his eyes. “If they weren’t so damned secretive we would have known she was about to hit puberty and things might have worked out differently. You read my report.”

It was the admiral’s turn to sigh. “Yes, I did. I have the feeling you left out as much as you put in, but what was in there was enough. I won’t ask,” he added quickly when the younger man stiffened. “I know you, Jon, you wouldn’t have left anything out without a good reason. Maybe someday you’ll be able to tell me what it was.”

“Someday you might be glad I didn’t, Admiral.” Archer was sure of that, not a doubt in his mind. Forrest liked Tucker. “At least we came back with most of the people we left with.”

“You did that,” the admiral allowed. He saw Archer’s eyes stray back to the Denobulans and followed with his own, taking in the size of the group and who was in it, then shook his head and clapped the younger man on the shoulder. “Why don’t you come have a drink with me, I can start telling you all the dirt on everyone who works at Starfleet Headquarters,” he offered, lowering his voice. “Doesn’t do you any good to just stand here staring at them, Jon. Come on, let’s go.”

Archer nodded and tore his eyes away, falling into step with Forrest and forcibly turning his mind to the future as they made their way out of the crowd. He had a new life to start building, and even though right now he couldn’t see it happening he was going to try to make it a good one. His mistakes would always be with him, but Archer knew that if he didn’t live past them then he hadn’t learned a thing. He would give himself a second chance to be the person he’d thought he was, no more, no less.

The End

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Seven people have made comments

Bravo. I loved the story. I loved the whole series. But I feel so sorry for Archer. I know he was a total scumbag to Trip but I kinda wished they could be friends again. I am more angry with Trip's parents. How dare they feel angry at Archer when they were just as bad. They treated their son in such disdainful way and to make themselves feel and look better they snubbed Archer and turned their backs on him for his actions towards their son when in my eyes they were just as bad. Maybe an epilogue set in the close future to see if maybe some if not all is forgiven between the once close friends. Archer did seem to be trying.

I did enjoy your story but hoped for some sort of reconcilliation between Trip and Archer. I felt everyone had treated Trip badly and not just Archer. They all had their chance at making amends so why not Archer. His parents turned their back on him and blamed him for Lizzies death but Pholx was quite happy to help Trip forgive them but not Archer. I also couldn't really come to grips with this father/son thing between Trip and Phlox and would have liked a bit more of Trips point of view. Was he angry with Archer for creating Sim in the first place and thus saving his life or for the way Archer treated him after Sims death?. Your story was wonderfully written and stirred many emotions and I would love to see a sequel. Many thanks.

I also enjoyed your story, and was hoping for at least a 'breaking of the ice' between Archer and Trip. I was also left wanting to hear Trip's POV of events. I would love for this story to continue, if only a nice, long epilogue to cover Trip's feelings--on Archer, T'Pol, Phlox, his parents & family, being part of Phlox's family, resigning from Starfleet, etc. Please consider doing a follow-up! Looking forward to more stories by you. Thanks!

Sorry, but I don't buy how you've portrayed most of the characters AT ALL. You're showing all them as being uncaring and cold; I don't for a minute buy your storyline about his friends shunning him nor how they would treat Archer. It doesn't jive with the friendship they've demonstrated to each other over their time together on ship.

Trip hadn't done anything to warrant it, and IMHO neither had Archer. I also don't buy your silly (sorry it's MHO) that Phlox would not contact Trip to check up on him OR treat him like a son. Phlox has always been portrayed as a conscientious physician, so why the abrupt change??

And in all the episodes I've seen there's been nothing about Trips'parents suggesting he not come back to Earth!! It took Enterprise some time to get back as I recall (according to malcom) and they missed the memorials.

Sorry, but this doesn't do much for me at all!!

a very heartwrenching story. Made my eyes moist reading it several times.

I like the way on how you thought things out. Its sad that things ended the way it did with Jonathan, but real life is like that. Despite all that though, there is still hope for Jonathan. Not with Trip and attachments but with himself.

I find myself symphatize with Jonathan, it isnt easy carrying the burden that he had. Although I felt that a large part of his burden was placed on him by himself, his burden was still great. People under a great deal of pressure often loose their way.

In the end he judged himself and foundself wanting.

A great story!

Archer probably represents that dark side of humanity that we know exists but would rather not acknowledge.

Very good story! However, I disagree with the basic premise of your story that would allow such events to follow from Similitude, that Trip Tucker's character strength, identity, and self-image is so weak that it can be so easily overtaken by Sim. Also, yes, Captain Archer had to and did make the hard choices in the hunt for the Xindi but your Archer lacked the basic innate compassion that man had.