A Life Worth Living - Chapter 3

A LIFE WORTH LIVING

By Gabi

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Action/Adventure/Angst

Summary: What if both Trip and Sim had survived the transplantation? Takes place during Similitude

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own the characters and I don't make any money with this story.

~~~

Chapter 3

Trip was shuffling when he went back to his quarters. He felt tired and drained after the argument with the captain. But he had also learned a lot. He knew that Jon hadn't trifled with Sim's fate, it had been a hard decision and even though Trip still didn't agree with the measures Archer had taken, he was able to understand him now. His friend had been desperate, finally seeing no other option than to force the being that had been created for the sole purpose of harvesting his tissue to undergo an operation he wasn't expected to survive.

A faint smile crossed his face when he entered his quarters and saw Sim sitting in front of the computer. "Hey, what're you doin'?"

"Checkin' the reports."

"I thought you were in Engineerin'."

Sim shrugged. "I haven't got new orders yet. Now that you're back, I don't know whether I'm supposed to work there."

"I sure would like to have you around. You could do my work while I'm relaxin'."

Sim laughed out loud. "Yeah, that's the way you'd handle it."

Trip sat down on his bunk, sighing heavily. "At the moment I wouldn't object to you doin' my work."

Sim got up. "You look dog tired. How did your talk with the cap'n go?"

The corners of Trip's mouth twitched. He hadn't told Sim that he intended to take the captain to task. Of course, in his place Sim would have done the same and so he simply knew.

"Better than I had expected," Trip admitted. "Let's say we came to a new understanding. And now I know that he cares for me as a friend and not only as a good engineer on a difficult mission."

"I could've told you that in the first place."

"What? That Jon cares for me? How could I've known? All he ever talked about was havin' his chief engineer back."

"Yeah, but I looked into his eyes and saw the concern that he was tryin' to hide. He always cared for you, Trip, but he couldn't tell anyone."

Trip bit his lip. "How come a clone of mine is so much wiser than I am?"

"I don't know. Perhaps because I'm an individual with my own experiences." Sim smiled. "You should sleep for a while."

"Will you go to Engineerin', check how they're doin'?" Trip said.

"I don't know whether I'm still welcome there."

A thought crossed Trip's mind, and an evil grin spread on his face. He gave Sim a meaningful look. Laughing, Sim shook his head. "Oh no. No way will I do that, Trip. After all, I'm not you."

"Doesn't matter. You're even better than me. You know all about what happened in Engineerin' durin' the time I was out of the loop."

Sim's eyes were sparkling when he thought about it. "It's temptin'," he admitted. "But do you think that's okay with Starfleet regulations?"

"Nah, maybe not," Trip admitted. Then he shrugged. "But you are me. I don't think there'll be any harm if you check Engineerin' in my uniform."

Sim thought about it. "Okay, I'll do it."

Trip watched Sim take a blue Starfleet overall with the insignia of a commander out of the wardrobe. He folded his hands behind his head and leaned back. "Y'know, I always wanted to have a clone back when I was in school. I fantasized about sending him to school so I myself could stay home and do the real important things."

"Like sleepin' in until midday and then tamperin' in the basement with the beautiful things from the junkyard?"

Trip heaved a sigh. "Why do I have the feelin' that I'm talkin' to myself?"

Sim just grinned. "How do I look?"

"Ah, Commander Tucker, here you are." Trip's eyes sparkled. "I feel the urge to stand at attention."

"Feel free to do so."

"Nah, I think I'll do the important thing and go for a nap." Trip sobered up. "You know Ensign Carruthers down in Engineerin'?"

"Course I do. He's an excellent engineer, but was never meant to go into deep space. He joined us after the Xindi attack. He lost some relatives, an aunt and an uncle, if I recall correctly. Because of that he's a little bit xenophobic. It's not that I disagree with him when it comes to the Xindi, though."

"And except for your memories, have you ever spoken to him yourself?"

Sim tilted his head to one side. "No, he never talked to me. You know that he's not a very sociable man and he's had his problems with you, but I think he likes me even less for what I am. He's tryin' hard to avoid me. But sometimes I caught him starin' at me and his expression wasn't very friendly. "

"Be careful," Trip advised.

Sim nodded, looking at him thoughtfully. Then he smiled. "Hey, with this uniform I'm Commander Charles Tucker and no one would even dare get in my way. Go to sleep, Trip, you need it."

#####

His rumbling stomach woke Trip a few hours later. Sleepily, he sat up. Sim hadn't come back yet. Trip thought of paying a visit to Engineering himself but two commanders would most likely provide for some confusion. Besides, his empty stomach told him rather urgently that he had better go to the messhall instead of Engineering.

Trip got to the bathroom to refresh himself when his eyes fell on Sim's grey overall. He had intended to go to the messhall in his civvies, as he was still off duty, but suddenly it was tempting to take Sim's place for once. Could be interesting and perhaps he would be spared the crew's attention.

Trip had been right. When he entered the messhall, some of the crewmembers nodded at him in a friendly way, others simply didn't see him or looked aside. In a corner Malcolm sat alone at a table, shoving his food around on his plate.

Trip got a plate with food and went over to him. "May I?" he asked.

Malcolm looked up and after a short moment, he smiled invitingly. "Of course."

"You don't seem to be very hungry," Trip said, tending to his food.

Malcolm just shrugged.

"You're worried," Trip stated. "'Bout me?"

"More about Trip," Malcolm admitted. "How is he doing?"

Trip suppressed a smile. What a difference a uniform could make. "He's fine. Really," he confirmed when he saw Malcolm's doubtful expression.

"I'm trying to imagine how I would feel, if…" Malcolm's voice faded and Trip finished the sentence for him.

"…if a clone had been created for the sole purpose of harvesting his tissue and saving your life?"

Malcolm flinched and Trip had to remind himself that Malcolm assumed it was Sim sitting before him. He knew that it was unfair not to reveal his identity to Malcolm, but he wanted to know how his friends treated Sim and this way he could experience their reactions personally.

Malcolm sighed. "I don't know whether I could cope with this, but I'm very glad that we have Trip back. He's crucial for the mission."

Trip frowned. Another one who gave him this crap and didn't want to admit that he was glad to have his friend back.

Malcolm eyed him carefully and Trip thought that for a split second something like suspicion had crossed his face. "What do you think about it?" he asked Trip.

"I can understand the captain's reasons."

Malcolm raised his eyebrows. "Indeed?"

"Yeah." Trip wasn't up to talking about his argument with the captain, so he got up. "I'll get some dessert."

When he came back, the corners of Malcolm's mouth twitched. "Pecan pie?"

"You know that it's my favorite."

"Yes, I know." Malcolm watched him shoving a big forkful of pie into his mouth. "Sim's favorite dessert is key lime."

Trip almost dropped the fork. Incredulously, he looked at Malcolm, who grinned broadly.

"How did you know?"

When he saw his suspicions confirmed, Malcolm's smile grew even broader. "No idea. It was just a shot in the dark. I think it's something in your eyes. And Sim does prefer key lime pie. He told me personally."

"Key lime pie used to be my favorite dessert on Earth," Trip confessed. "No one makes better key lime pie than my mother. But I have to admit that no one makes better pecan pie than Chef. You won't tell my mother, will you?"

Malcolm smiled, but sobered up again. "So you can see the captain's reasons?"

Trip rubbed a hand over his eyes. "We had an argument this morning."

Malcolm nodded. "I thought so. When you came marching onto the bridge and demanding that the captain talk to you, I felt sorry for him."

Trip smiled lopsidedly. "It wasn't a very pleasant talk. But I can see his reasons." Trip looked up. "What would you have done, Malcolm? Let me die?"

Malcolm startled. "I would have done everything to save your life. But to be honest I'm very happy that it wasn't me who had to make that decision."

"What do you think about Sim?"

"The truth?" Malcolm grimaced uncomfortably.

"Of course, the truth."

"I feel a little awkward around him. I don't want to and I try hard to not let it show. I like Sim and I should feel comfortable in his presence but the feeling that I'm talking to you and at the same time I'm not is just weird. I'm sorry about that but I can't do anything to help it."

"Perhaps it'd help if you saw him as my twin?"

"Oh goodness gracious, the Tucker twins," Malcolm blurted out. "How am I supposed to survive two of you?"

Trip chuckled. "You can at least try." He looked around. "How is the crew treatin' Sim?"

Malcolm thought for a moment. "A few people don't know how to treat him and decide to ignore him, others act in a polite but careless way, but most of the crewmembers treat him well. He doesn't have the respect you have, but I think he'll be accepted as a crewmember in a while. Remember that he's been on Enterprise for just two weeks and we all watched him grow up. It's hard to ask a man for advice who was a child just a few days ago."

"I see your point." Trip cleared his plate. "It's not easy for Sim, either. He notices the furtive stares, and knows that people treat him different from the way he remembers."

"It's a scary thing that he has all your memories."

"Yeah, it is, but we both are busy getting' used to that. It has some funny aspects as well."

"I suppose you're right. Like switching places, for instance. What is Captain Archer planning to do with him now?"

Trip shrugged. "I don't know. First, we'll have to see if that enzyme works."

"Enzyme?" Malcolm frowned. "What enzyme?"

"Don't you know? Sim was supposed to live only for 15 days. Phlox is treating him with an enzyme that could guarantee him a normal lifespan. But Sim isn't quite sure whether it's goin' to work perfectly."

"That's bad news." Malcolm bit his lip. "I've heard some rumors, but nothing definite." He paused for a moment. "I have to admit that I've got used to Sim. I'm sure I'm going to get used to the sight of two of you." He snorted. "I thought we were the disaster twins on Enterprise, but I think I have to turn my part over to Sim."

"Don't worry, Malcolm." Trip patted his friend's shoulder. "We can always be a disaster trio."

#####

Making his way back to his quarters, Trip was still chuckling. Malcolm's shocked expression at his remark had been great. His head had begun to throb once again but Trip realized that it wasn't as bad as it had been in the morning, so he decided to go to Engineering. Pretending that he was Sim wouldn't cause any confusion and he looked forward to watching himself and his command style.

His crew was busy when he entered the room, most of them doing standard procedures. He could see Sim standing at a control station, talking to Ensign Fane who smiled at the man she thought was her CO.

Trip noticed that some people were smiling at him, too. Rostov, standing at his station, gave him a friendly nod and Ensign Kelly asked him how he felt. They thought he was Sim and Trip felt relieved. Some people might avoid his clone, but it wasn't as bad as he had feared.

A console behind the warp core beeped and out of habit Trip went to take care of the problem. From the corners of his eyes he saw someone approaching and asked without turning his head: "I need a hypospanner. Could you get me one, please?"

The steps behind him fell silent and when he didn't hear an approving "aye sir", Trip turned around, startling a little when he faced Carruthers of all people.

Carruthers eyed him watchfully. "Just who the hell do you think you are?" he said in an upset tone of voice. "You may look like the Commander, but that doesn't give you the right to order me around."

For a second Trip thought about telling the ensign that he actually was Commander Tucker, but he decided that it would do more harm than good to reveal that they had swapped their roles.

"I only asked you to hand me a hypospanner," he tried to soothe Carruthers, but the ensign got even more upset.

"Do you even have permission to work here? You can't just come here and do whatever you want."

Trip tried to remain calm, although it was difficult when he saw the hostile expression in the man's eyes.

"I'm authorized by Commander Tucker," he answered, his tone a little more testy than he had intended. "Is that enough or do I need your permission, too?"

"Don't be bold, clone." Carruthers took a step forward to look into Trip's eyes. "And you call me Ensign or Sir."

Trip just stared at the man. He was still trying to stay calm, but refused to call this man "Sir". His rank was indeed a lot higher, although Carruthers didn't have a clue who was standing before him.

"Answer me," Carruthers demanded.

Trip shrugged, turning away from the ensign. "Sorry, but I don't know what you want from me. So please let me finish my work."

Carruthers grabbed Trip's arm and yanked him around.

"Don't turn your back on me when I'm talking to you." The man's face was contorted with anger. "I guess you think you're someone special because you saved our CO's life? But you're not, you're not even human. You've only been created so that Phlox could harvest your tissue to save a human. And looking at Commander Tucker I have to admit you served that purpose well. But don't try to give orders here. You're nothing more than a heap of cells, a blasphemy to God and I feel sick even having to speak to you."

Trip felt a spray of saliva hit his face when the ensign spat out his contemptuous words. Disgusted, not only by the spittle but also by the ensign's words, Trip wiped a hand over his face. His forced calm was gone. Wild anger boiled up inside him when he stared into the other man's eyes.

The corners of Carruther's mouth twitched contemptuously. "You want to hit me? Come on, do it. I know you wouldn't dare. I'm an ensign in Starfleet, and what are you? You know that you are an abomination, don't you? I really can't understand why Starfleet agreed to Phlox' suggestion to create you. There's no place for you on a reputable starship like Enterprise."

Trip couldn't bear it any longer, but at the same time he was glad that it wasn't Sim who had to listen to this. He clenched his fists. Carruthers was right in one aspect: Sim wasn't a member of Starfleet and no one could hold him responsible for attacking a subordinate.

Startled, Carruthers took a step back when he saw the furious expression on Trip's face. But it was too late. Trip punched his right fist right into Carruther's face, serving him an uppercut that yanked the ensign's head backwards. Carruthers fell to the floor, groaning and cringing.

"Talkin' about a heap of cells," Trip muttered.

"What's goin' on here?"

Trip tried to calm down when he heard Sim's voice and literally at the last moment he remembered to stand at attention. The corners of Sim's mouth twitched in amusement, but then his eyes came to rest on Carruthers who struggled awkwardly to his feet. "What happened?" he asked in Trip's best commanding tone of voice. Hess, who had followed Sim, gave Carruthers a hand, her gaze curiously flickering between Sim and Trip.

"This blasted clone hit me," Carruthers yelled, spitting some bloody saliva onto the floor. "Throw him in the brig or even better, let Phlox get rid of him." Carruthers was beside himself with anger.

Trip's features hardened in dismay and he carefully peered at Sim. He didn't know whether Sim had heard some of Carruther's earlier words, but he was quite sure that Sim was very well able to draw his own conclusions.

Despite the insult Sim remained perfectly calm. Only Trip was able to recognize the small signs of agitation in his eyes.

"I'll take Ensign Carruthers to sickbay," Sim decided. He looked at Trip, but after a small hesitation he addressed Hess. "You're in command." He turned to Trip. "And you go help her when you're done here."

"Aye sir," Trip confirmed, smiling inwardly. Looking after Sim, he sighed. Phlox wouldn't be very amused because the uniform would tell him that Trip had gone to work despite doctor's orders. Trip would have wanted to warn Sim, but with Hess standing beside him and Carruthers shooting him angry glances until Sim took his arm and literally yanked him away, he had no chance to do so.

He looked after them, already regretting what he had done. Hitting a subordinate simply wasn't an option, no matter how insulting he had been. He was lucky that no one recognized him, since his actions had been more than inappropriate for a senior officer.

Hess looked at Trip, an approving smile playing on her lips. "Well done," she said.

"Huh?" Trip stared at her in disbelief. "I hit a Starfleet officer."

Hess shrugged dismissively. "He deserved it. I would have loved to do the same this morning. You just took your chances."

Trip flinched. He had asked Sim about Carruthers but had never told him what the man had said earlier. If he really had been Sim, Hess' words would have made him suspicious. But he flinched even more when he heard her next words.

"Of course you couldn't have done it wearing your own uniform, Commander. Beating a subordinate would get you into big trouble."

For the second time Trip's mouth fell open. "How the hell did you know? I thought no one could distinguish between us. And you're already the second one to notice."

Hess smiled somewhat gleefully. "It's not how you look. It's how you act. Your experiences differed during the last few weeks. The Commander Tucker who was around here the last few hours knew a little bit too much about the tiny things that happened here during the last week. For example Mike Rostov burnt his hand about five or six days ago and he asked him about it. It was a minor burn that Mike didn't even report to sickbay. So it's not in the reports and you wouldn't know about it. There were a few other things I thought Commander Tucker couldn't know, unless the man in this uniform wasn't Commander Tucker. But don't worry, I think no one else noticed and I won't say a word. And like I said, Carruthers deserved it. He never said anything to Sim before, but I didn't like the contemptuous glances he threw at him. I think we'll be able to deal with him. Come on, let's get to work."

Trip laughed good-humoredly and followed Hess, deciding to forget about Carruthers.

#####

Phlox looked up from his work when the sickbay doors swooshed open. "What happened?" he asked when Sim brought Carruthers in.

"That damned clone hit me," Carruthers said, his voice muffled. Phlox studied the ensign's chin. It had already gone slightly purple, and it looked like it would be a fairly ugly bruise. "He did?" he said in a tone of voice that was quite a bit cooler than his initial welcome, then turned to Sim. "I don't believe that I allowed you to go back to work, Commander."

"Sorry, Doc, but I had to take a look at Engineerin'." It was the best Sim could come up with without giving his identity away.

Phlox sighed. "We'll talk about this. Please lie down on a bed, Commander. I have to examine you."

"What about me?" Carruthers demanded. "I'm the one who is injured. That abomination tried to kill me."

"You asked for it," Sim snarled at him with barely controlled anger. He knew that some of the crew didn't feel very comfortable in his presence but no one had called him an abomination yet. He hadn't overheard much of the conversation between Trip and Carruthers but it had been clear enough that the man hated him just because of what he was.

After a short scan, Phlox treated Carruthers with a tincture and a hypospray and gave him clearance to go to work again.

Sim watched Carruthers leave. With raised eyebrows he glanced at Phlox , who scanned him now with a lot more diligence and interest than he had treated Carruthers.

"Am I wrong, Doc, or did you treat Carruthers with less care than you usually show?"

Phlox smiled, switching back to his usual friendly expression. "Commander, if you're ever going to be a father you'll realize that you tend to act not too generously towards someone who insults someone whose diapers you used to change."

Sim couldn't help but laugh. "You're still a good father, Phlox."

"And you are not Commander Tucker." Phlox looked at his scanner, frowning. "What are you doing wearing this uniform, Sim?"

Sim hopped off the bed. "Trip asked me to check Engineerin' for him. He actually was a good boy and rested."

"So it was Commander Tucker who hit Carruthers?"

Sim startled. "He was just defendin' me. You won't tell Cap'n Archer, will you? Trip would get into a lot of trouble if the cap'n knew about this."

"Don't worry. From what I've heard from the ensign's very mouth I can understand Commander Tucker's urge to interfere. But all the same, I still want to see him."

"I'll tell him." Sim made his way to the door when he stopped in his tracks. "Am I so different from Trip that you could see it so quickly?"

The doctor's features saddened and Sim went back, taking Phlox by the arm. "Phlox, what is it? Do you already have the results from the tests?"

Phlox nodded, but didn't look into Sim's eyes.

"What is it? The enzyme isn't working, is it?"

Phlox heaved a deep sigh. "No, the enzyme is working nearly perfectly. That's the reason you still look like Commander Tucker. Otherwise your physical age would be around 70 or 80 years by now. Unfortunately the enzyme is affecting your inner organs and at this point, I'm afraid I don't know how to stop - let alone reverse - this process."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"To say it bluntly, you have a weak heart. Your lungs aren't functioning properly, nor are your kidneys."

"You say I'm goin' to die from multiple organ failure?"

"No, I'm not saying that." Phlox steeled himself. "There's still time to find out why the enzyme has this disastrous effect on your organs. You only have to remember that you have to take things easy, that you mustn't overexert yourself."

"You mean I can't work any longer?"

Phlox shook his head, laying a gentle hand on Sim's arm. "I didn't say that, Sim," he said, smiling understandingly. "Of course you may work, just take into consideration that your heart is twice as old as you feel."

"A weak heart." Sim snorted. "I'd never have thought of that."

"I'm sure I can do something about it," Phlox reassured him. "Not today and not tomorrow, but the tests are promising. Just take it easy."

"I will, Doc." Sim nodded to Phlox, gratefully, before he turned to leave.

"And tell Commander Tucker if he doesn't want to experience more headaches he should show up here very soon."

Sim looked at Phlox, biting his lip. "Please don't tell him about your results, Phlox. I don't want him to worry about me. And it would be great if you also wouldn't tell Cap'n Archer."

"Don't worry, Sim, there's no reason to tell someone before my tests are finished."

"That's good to hear. See ya, Doc."

TBC
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